Page 15 of Carter's #Undoing

It was hard for me to believe that I’d been enjoying Crayson and Jordyn’s wedding days prior, only to come face-to-face withhim. A man I hadn’t seen in so long, I’d almost convinced myself that our friendship hadn’t been real. Our love hadn’t actually existed. Deep down, I always knew I couldn’t erase Carter completely from my memories, but damn had I tried. Hoped to ease the pain I felt every time I closed my eyes, and even more so when they were open.

At one point in my life, Carter Madden consumed every thought I had. Yet, being here with him now felt off. It felt confusing. To be faced with your past in a way that felt like the opening of a horror film right before the hero or heroine is faced with a life-changing decision to make that may or may not save his or her life was unconceivable. He’d done this to me. He’d done this to us. And now, I had to spend the next month in seclusion for what? Why did my life have to change for his mistakes?

When I got out of the shower, I knew something wasn’t right. Well, everything was wrong, but I felt worse than I had before I showered. I made quick work of putting on the cocoa butter lotion that I found in the cabinet and threw on a pair of fresh panties, lounge pants, and tank that was packed in the bag Avery put together for me.

I grabbed the hair moisturizer I made and a towel, with every intention on sitting on the bed and combing out my hair like I usually would. Except, the moment I stepped into the hall, I slipped, realizing that I’d forgotten to wipe off my feet before stepping into the hallway.

I didn’t so much as let out a scream when I fell on the hardwood floor, but Carter must have heard me because he was up the stairs and by my side seconds later.

“Are you okay?” he asked.

I glanced up at him, grateful he wasn’t turning away from me like he had been most the time I’d been around. “I think my shower was too hot. I’m a little dizzy and I still have to do my hair.”

“Maybe you should rest and do your hair later.”

I shook my head. “If I don’t do it now, it will just get matted and I’ll have to wash it all over again just to manage it.” My voice was getting higher, squeaky even. I heard myself, but couldn’t figure out how to calm down.

Leaning against the wall, I tried to get my breathing under control as well. “I don’t know what’s happening.”

“You’re having a panic attack,” he said. “Here, lean forward and let me slide behind you.”

I did as he instructed without even thinking, giving him enough room to get behind me.

“Did you hurt yourself?” he asked, his hands gently rubbing my lower back. It had been hurting since I’d awakened from that tea, but I hadn’t remembered telling him that. It was almost like he’d been paying closer attention to me than I thought.

“No, I’m fine. I can’t find a comb, but was going to finger this moisturizer through my hair.”

He grabbed the bag from my hand and scooped up a handful, the sounds of him rubbing it in his hands making my ears perk up moments before I felt his fingers go into my hair.

I sighed, caught off guard by how wonderful it felt to have someone else working out the kinks in my hair instead of me. His fingers were like a sweet love poem, each stroke bringing me to a higher euphoria and calming my rattled nerves. I could listen to his poetic fingers all day.

“Thank you for doing this,” I muttered after a few glorious moments of the unexpected head massage. “Without makeup or my hair products, I’m sure I look a hot mess.” It wasn’t exactly what I was thinking, but I’d needed to break the silence. Honestly, for the first time in hours, my brain couldn’t overthink because I was relaxing a little.

“You could never look anything less than perfect,” he stated. “Those products may accentuate your beauty, but it can’t upgrade features that are already classically beautiful.”

My breath caught. “Um, thank you.”

He didn’t say anything after that, his hands working through my curls and doing all the talking for him. I wished I could see his face, but something told me he wouldn’t have been as honest if we were looking each other in the eyes.

It was strange because he’d helped me oil my hair in the past, but I’d never thought twice about it. Back then, it hadn’t felt as intimate as it did now. A piece of my heart broke at the thought of all the new memories we missed the chance to make and the old ones that deserved to be cherished.

I didn’t even notice I was drifting off to sleep until my eyes were closed and I felt my body being lifted off the floor. Had I not been so overwhelmed, I probably would have told him that even under the circumstances, there was at least one major thing that hadn’t changed about Carter. He still smelled like earthy sandalwood mixed with freshly washed sheets and a hint of lemongrass. I would never tell him that hint had almost made me cry when Bath & Body Works discontinued their Lemongrass Sage scent. Against my better judgement, I still brought everything in that scent any time I could find it. As if I needed any more reminders that I never really got over Carter Madden.

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