Page 20 of Children of Virtue and Vengeance

“How can I be on your side when Baba died so your wretched mother and her tîtáns could rise?”

“That’s not fair.” My cheek burns from the slap of her words. She glares at me like I’m the monster. Like I shot the arrow that killed her father. “I’ve lost people in this fight, too.”

“Am I supposed to cry for your bastard of a father?” Zélie asks. “Pity the weakling you called a brother? I can’t look at my own back because of what your father did! Because of you and your family, both my parents are dead!”

Zélie limps to Nailah’s side and pulls herself up even as her muscles shake with exhaustion.

“Don’t compare your scars to mine, Princess. You’ll lose every time.”

“I’ll lose?” I charge forward. “I’lllose? You had two parents who loved you till their dying breath. A brother who stands by your side. Both my parents tried to kill me with their own hands! I took the life of my ownfatherto protect you and the maji!” My voice shakes with the tears that want to break free, but I don’t let them fall. I won’t let her win. I will not allow her to bring that out of me.

“I am sorry for everything my family’s done,” I continue, “but don’t you dare act like my pain isn’t real. You’re not the only one with scars, Zélie! My family’s hurt me just as much as it’s hurt you!”

Zélie’s face goes cold, and I stop in my tracks. I want to fix the chasm between us, yet every word we speak drags us further apart. She stares at me for a long moment, that horrible, empty look in her silver eyes. Then she turns and guides her ryder down, low enough so that she can mount.

“Zél, stop.” Tzain walks after her. “This has gone far enough. We’re all upset. We’reallhurting. The last thing we need is to turn on each other!”

Zélie pushes her tongue into her lower lip as she settles on Nailah’s back. “How quickly ‘you and me’ became ‘you and Amari.’”

“Gods, Zél—”

“Did you hear me?” she cuts him off. “When my skin was burning and I couldn’t breathe? Did you hear me scream your name, or were you too busy looking after Amari?”

Tzain’s lips part. His forehead creases with shame. “That’s not fair,” he says. “You know that’s not fair!”

“You two deserve each other.” Zélie squeezes her thighs, commanding Nailah to rise. “Say hello to her mother for me. I’m sure she loves poor fishermen’s sons just as much as she loves maji.”

“I swear to the gods—”

“Yah!” Nailah shoots forward at Zélie’s command, sprinting through the trees.

“Zélie!”Tzain runs after her, but within moments she’s too far away to be seen. He digs his hands into his scalp before pounding his fists against the nearest tree.

“She’ll be back,” he mutters into the bark. “Just let her breathe.”

I nod, but as I sink to the ground, I don’t know who he’s trying to convince.

CHAPTER TWELVE

ZÉLIE

TEARS BLUR MY VISIONas we race through the trees of the Adichie Forest. My hands slip from Nailah’s horns. Without a saddle, I can barely hold on.

I grip with my thighs as the world passes by, a whirlwind of mountain cliffs and blowing leaves. I try to pretend Nailah’s speed is the only reason I can’t breathe.

Gods, help me.

I clench my teeth, fighting it all back. It’s like everything I’ve done wrong surfaces at once, a sea drowning me in its current.

No,I think to myself.Not them.Believing in the gods is what’s brought on this mess.

They’re the reason Baba’s dead.

Despair swells inside me as the terrain starts to dip. The earth beneath our feet slopes downhill. The forest trees start to thin. I clutch Nailah’s fur, struggling to stay upright when her paws slip. But the thought of how the gods used me makes me want to let go and tumble into the dirt.

All this time I believed in the gods’ greater plan. Their path when I couldn’t see. But all they led me to were the scars on my back. The open wounds on my heart. The gods used me like a pawn and cast me aside when magic returned. I can’t trust them to bring me anything but pain.

Mama, take me.

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