Page 12 of Infatuation

He nodded and headed off to the room. He needed a shower and a shot of whiskey. Or maybe two whiskeys. He pulled off his clothes with just a few twinges. When he was finally naked, Kade stood there, looking at himself in the mirror. He was a fucking mess. The injuries were healing, but there were still times he was amazed he got through the day without losing it.

He glanced down at his knee and cringed. It was swollen again, but nothing that a little ice wouldn’t fix. He didn’t need to look at the marks on his back. Even though they had healed, he could still feel them as if he had just been injured. He probably always would.

He heard the front door open just as he stepped into the shower. The house was old, and the wood flooring made it easy to hear movements. He heard her approach the guest room, hesitate, then after a moment or two, she walked away. With a sigh that was half regret and half relief, he picked up the soap and the rag. The hot water pounded on his back, releasing some of the tension that had been keeping him on edge.

He could admit that he’d been worried about facing Shannon. He had avoided it for months, broke off any contact after the total fucked up mess their assignment became. He knew she deserved an explanation, but he’d taken the cowards way out and not called. Hell, he didn’t even email her. And there was one thing that he hated being and that was a coward. He would have never thought it would happen to him. He’d taken life in the SEALs as one of the greatest adventures. Now, though, he wasn’t sure he’d ever be able to put his gear on again.

He closed his eyes, trying to stamp out the feelings that thought brought about, but it didn’t help. Every time he did, images from the firefight, of watching one of his best friends get shot, feeling the bullet piercing his skin...

Fuck. People who thought that you didn’t remember things like that were fucked in the head. They didn’t seem to understand that people would live with the memories the rest of their lives. And fuck, he didn’t need to go back there, didn’t want to remember how screwed up everything had become and how all of them had come back with more than just a little baggage, including the coffin of one of their own.

He pushed aside the irritation and the damn fucking vulnerability that seemed to choke him constantly and finished his shower.

He might consider himself a coward in a lot of ways now, but it was definitely time to face Shannon.

six

Shannon finished pouring the casserole into a pot to warm up when she heard footsteps behind her. She didn’t have to turn around to see who it was. She knew it was Kade. Something stirred on the back of her neck anytime he was near.

“It should be warmed up in just a sec.”

He hesitated for a second, then he stepped over the threshold. She didn’t want to turn around until she was composed. She didn’t want to cry, didn’t want pity from a man who would probably disdain female tears. The only men who didn’t complain about her tears were her gay friends.

When she had herself under control, she turned to face him.

“Do y’all know how long you’re going to be in town?”

He studied her for a second. "We have a week off before we have to go back.”

She nodded. "Why don’t you have a seat at the kitchen table? I’ll get some bread cut up.”

Before she could do that, he said, "Shannon.”

She knew that tone, knew that he was going to try and let her down easy. She wasn’t in the mood. Her feelings were too near the surface, a bubbling caldron of irritation, pain and shock.

“Yes?”

“I thought you would want to talk about us.”

His normally easy voice sounded strained, as if he were barely holding onto his temper. Why was he mad at her?

“I got the impression there was no ‘us.’”

Kade stared at her then with those deep blue eyes of his, as if trying to find out if she were telling the truth.Did he think she would beg him back into her bed?Fat chance there, buddy.

“I thought women liked to discuss these things.”

“Maybe. Most of the time. But you made it pretty clear by not contacting me. I guess I could beg for a reason, but those are just made up most of the time, right? I mean, when you break up with someone, most of the time it’s because they just weren’t for you.” She forced herself to shrug as if it were nothing big. "It’s fine, Kade. You didn’t have to pretend it was something it wasn’t. I won’t bother you.”

He muttered something under his breath, and she got a bit of satisfaction over that.

Frustrated? Suck it up, SEAL.

“Now, I’m going to get the jambalaya ready for y’all, and then I’m taking a long, hot shower. It’s been a bitch of a day.”

He stared at her as if she had grown another head.

“It wasn’t that I didn’t think it was special. It was. Just...things are different now.”

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