Page 82 of Flying

Ten days until the wedding,but I can hardly think about anything except what today is. After every experience over the last nine months, a lot of things have become easier. Not today. Mother’s Day is an exception to the rule, and is always harder than Christmas and my birthday combined.

Since I’ve stepped away from a public life, I didn’t have to make a half-hearted post this year. That was a relief. I asked River to hold my phone, because the annual flood of messages about amazing mothers scrape at a healing wound, tearing it open again. No matter if it’s watching something mindless on TV, scrolling social media, flipping channels on the radio, or walking into a store there’s a reminder: you only get one mother, she’s given everything for you, how will you say thank you? In their world, moms are wonderful and irreplaceable.

Dorothea and I prepared for today. I remind myself that my mother is a person. Imperfect and flawed. Allowed to set her own boundaries and make her own choices. No matter how painful those are. The choice to move permanently to their beach house on Long Beach Island feels like ceding the town to me. I guess that’s better than awkward silences and disappointed glares.

Later today, we’ll join Elizabeth and Jonathan for a bit at the house given his limited mobility. River’s still sleeping and I slip quietly downstairs onto the back deck and watch the water meander over the rocks and tree roots. Water keeps moving forward even when it needs to rearrange its course. Sinking onto one of the adirondack chairs I painted neon pink—my own tiny rebellion against town—and try to give these negative feelings a time limited place to exist.

I hear the sliding door creak and glance at my boys, River more put together than I expect and Pete harnessed and leashed, ready to go.

“Morning, darling.” He raises his mug in salute to me.

I return the gesture with a half-smile before taking my next sip. They join me, River sitting in the twin pink seat and Pete laying in a stripe of sunlight.

“Could we persuade you to get cleaned up for a quick stroll? Pete said he’s planned a little something for you, and I couldn’t argue with him. I mean, look at that face.” River makes his own puppy dog eyes at me.

“Are we talking a fancy old-timey stroll, or just that people may see us so I should be basic presentable?” I eye him over my mug, knowing this question came out strange.

“Umm, in basic English?” he asks, as I mentally tally plus two points for realizing it, but minus one for it being after I spoke.

“You look nice, I assumed with the khakis and button down you were headed over to work. Do I need to be as dressed up as you?” I pivot the question.

Tucking a strand of hair behind my ear, he looks me deep in the eyes and answers simply, “Can you just make sure you feel beautiful with whatever you pick?” He gives a quick light kiss to the tip of my nose and I scurry upstairs.

Pushing the hangers in my closet from side to side, I look over everything I’ve unpacked in the last week. Finally, I settle on an emerald green wrap dress and a white cardigan with my sandals. Tossing my phone and keys into a small crossbody bag, I head downstairs and River teasingly plays music for me as I descend like this is a ‘90s movie. Laughing as I join them, I reach for the leash and he wraps his hand over mine. We head outside and down the banks together.

“Was it really less than two weeks ago you told me about your picnic visions down here?” he asks me.

“I guess so, it all feels like it’s been so fast but also?—”

“A lifetime in the making?” he finishes the thought perfectly and I nod.

“I have a surprise for you, so can we move this party towards town?” His eyes are pleading with me, so I nod and follow along. We stop outside Miss Nicole’s studio, and he pulls out a set of keys and opens the glass door.What is he doing?

When we get inside, there’s a large black and white checked blanket centered on the floor with a bouquet of orange speckled lilies and a picnic basket on top. He leads me over and passes me pillows for us to sit on. I’m stunned into silence, anxiously waiting for this to make sense.

“I was tipped off that a former fitness influencer was looking for a quieter life, maybe her own studio.” Miss Nicole suddenly appears from the back causing me to jump a bit.

“I promise I won't compete with you.” I look her way earnestly.

“Oh dear girl, no. These old bones are worse than they were when you were assisting me. I was curious if you’d be interested in an opportunity to take over while I travel a bit. I’ve got beaches and card games calling my name.”

I’m shaken, looking back and forth between her and River in confusion and excitement. “Really? You’d trust me?”

Miss Nicole waves a hand as if that is the simplest question. “Elizabeth said if I caused River to leave too, that she’d have Prudence hex me.” She laughs hysterically at her own joke before suggesting we work out the details later this week and leaves us to our floor picnic.

Opening the basket, River produces a trio of sandwiches from Beagles Bagels.

“I got one for Pete this time, hoping that would prevent him from stealing ours.” He winks as he begins to break one down into a dog bowl.

Handing over my bagel, I take it with shaky hands still confused. “This is so sweet, but you’re not going to…”Propose?I don’t want to reject him, I just need more time. A lot more time.

“I’m not proposing, I’m taking you on a proper first date. I’m giving you an armload of tiger lily flowers, because just like you, they represent confidence and strength. I asked Miss Nicole if we could be here, but the rest of that is for you to figure out. I hope you’ll consider it, I’d love to continue waking up next to you. I want to be the man lucky enough to go through life side by side with you. If you’ll keep me?”

Looking up through my lashes I reply as warmth fills me, “As if you could shake me now.”

“There’s one more thing I need you to promise me.” I can see hints of mischief.

Hesitantly I say, “Perhaps, what else?”

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