Page 70 of Flying

“Guys! Guys! No, seriously, listen.” He’s speaking rapid fire, increasingly louder and forthright as he goes. “You are the best friends anyone could ask for. Matttyyyy! My brother, I’ve always wanted a big brother,” he coos to Mateo.

“Seriously, I love you guys, which is going to make what I have to tell you so much harder, but shh.” He screams the signal for a whisper, before breaking out into a sing-song childlike tone, “Because it’s a secret!”

I’ve had just enough to drink that I’ve crossed over from fun-drunk to a stern bar owner. I get loud. Much louder than I realize, and cut off Lee with a confession ten years in the making.

“Absolutely fucking not, Lee Samuel Carter. I swear to god, beinga best man in this town doesnotmean being the keeper of secrets from wives. I swear to you if you say some stupid shit like Grant confessing his love for Landan the night before he married Lily and put me in a bad position, I will not just watch another train wreck. You have been with Stef…” before I can finish my lecture, I see everyone’s eyes growing wider by the second.

I assume this is just because nobody has heard me yell at any of us, ever.

Not to be deterred, I continue, “How many years now? Huh? If you admit to something that fucked up I cannot just let you marry her. I won’t live with this guilt anymore! If I had been older, or had more of a backbone, I could have prevented Lily from getting hurt. It’s all my fault.” I’m half angry and half crying now, at which point their silent shock has me growing in fury.

What is wrong with these guys?

Suddenly, it grows just quiet enough to hear the creaking of hinges. Turning slowly, I see over my shoulder an open doorway packed with the other half of our group.

Standing at the front of the huddle, arms crossed over her chest, shaking and struggling to stand is the last person I wanted to hear this. Her dark brown hair threaded with caramel streaks is in messy waves cascading down her back. Deep brown eyes are rimmed red and swelling as tears threaten to spill over the lashes and take her mascara with them. Her body seems to be turning in on itself, shaking with fear.

“What did you say?” Lily finally chokes out on a cry, her voice wavering and tears that threaten to fall raining down in strong, silent streaks. “What. The fuck. Did you just say George River Hendrix?” She’s shaking and the venom in her voice cannot be missed.

She’s probably done with me, and I fucking deserve it. It feels like every muscle in my body has turned to cement. I’m rigid. Turning to face her may be necessary but it is impossible. At a glacial pace, I turn to the side, leaving the doorway to my left and the guys to my right. Looking between the cart and guys in the hallway to my right, and Lily next to me at the door on my left, I’m like a caged man. There’s nowhere to run and hide now.

“The hell, dude,” Delia says what seems to be written on the faces of the individuals in our group.

Nessa shrinks backwards, she’s usually good for a one to one conversation on these kinds of things, but in a group she tries to hide from playing the fixer publicly.

Pushing forward to hold Lily, Stef glares at Lee and me each for just long enough that I know I should be fully frightened of what comes next. I watch my beautiful flower wilt into her friend’s arms. My chest aches, it feels like my heart is breaking in a literal way, not just a metaphorical one. My entire being is giving up, and I can feel myself begin to crumple inwards.

The shock of it all has Lee awake enough to stumble over towards Stef and Lily, pushing past me as he enters the doorway. “But babe,” he complains, “babe, I’m going to miss these guys. I didn’t have guy friends like this growing up, and I’m going to miss them.” He repeats ‘miss them’ with a high pitched whine like a little boy.

Turning towards her fiancé, Stef chides him, “You need to remember what a secret is. But more importantly…” She adjusts her eyes and is glaring at me. I now fully understand the phrase if looks could kill. If they could,I would be dead, cremated, spread across all seven continents, and she’d come back to stomp on the ashes resting places, and that would not be enough of a punishment from Stef. Putting on her classroom behavior management voice, Stef demands we get in their suite now.

Filing in like the naughty boys we’ve been, I watch my shoes and make my way to the hotel room combination kitchen-living room area. Seth and Mateo prop Lee up each by an arm and toss him on the couch after he flung himself on the floor near the kitchen's mini island.

With a moment of sibling bond compassion, Stef looks at Mateo and gives him a choice, “Big brother, I’m about to say a bunch of things you may not want to hear. Mostly because you’ll have to keep it from Nanay and I don’t need you caught up in my shit if you don’t want to be. You want to get out of here, go for it.”

Looking entertained at the possibilities here, Mateo eyes each of us around the room. Lee has possibly fallen back to sleep on thecouch while Seth is chugging mini-water bottles like he’s in the desert.

Nessa is mostly out of sight, scrolling on her phone in a chair while pretending she isn’t here, Delia looks like she could burn me at the stake, Lily has not stopped crying, and Stef has her teacher face on. Winking in Nessa’s direction, he says, “This should be interesting. Perfect Princess saying something I shouldn’t know? I’m going nowhere.”

Hopping up on the faux marble countertop he grabs an apple from the bowl and crunches loudly into the fruit. He swings his legs like a little kid about to watch a PG-13 movie.

“Our secret is nothing like Grant’s apparent drunken confession, which,” she looks at me with her death stare again, “we will be getting back to in a moment,” she chastises.

Lee immediately groans and says, “Babe, no, we said no telling until the speech at the wedding.”

Laughing, Stef softly strokes his blond shaggy hair before kissing his forehead. Softly, her tone a sweet whisper, she says, “You fool, you are the reason we’re in this mess. Let’s just spill since it’s such a small thing compared to,” turning her face towards me with another glare and a sharp change in tone, “the important secret just confessed.”

Softening again, Stef glows. Her eyes are shiny and everything about her body language says nervous excitement. Thinking back over my memories of the last few days, I know she’s had alcohol so I don’t think this is that sort of secret, but I’m unable to think of what else it could be. They already have their own adorable bungalow in a residential section of town, they both have amazing jobs in the school district, and Lee has been creating and selling paintings on the side out of their home art studio in what could be a bedroom. Ticking off what other types of things could be big news worthy that would go in a speech during a wedding, I’m slowly coming up short.

Thankfully, I don’t have to wait too long before she exclaims with glee, “Our big secret is that I’m getting my PhD, at Columbia Teaching School, and we need to move to New York City for the next few years so I can complete the coursework!” She’s jumping and clapping, her tipsy excitement for this professional milestone abundantly clear.

“You see, getting into an Ivy League program like this was not guaranteed and even more so affording it. We just found out, I’m getting a scholarship so I can do this, for real for real…” she trails off remembering how this reveal came to be. She calmly shifts back to serious and continues, “Which, honestly, is absolutely insignificant compared to your revelation River. So, before Nessa buries herself into the couch cushions so far that we have to use the jaws of life to free her?—”

Nessa interjects, “I’m good, babe! Keep going!”

“So, before, Delia skins you alive or Lily disappears on me for another decade, talk River. What exactly did Grant say before Lily’s wedding?And, why is this the first any of us are hearing about it?”

Somehow, every pair of eyes in the room turns towards me except the one set that matters. I just want to look into those chocolate brown irises that rest above the dusting of freckles over her pert nose and sweet lips. It’s the prettiest face I’ve ever beheld. Her hair has gone from down in those gorgeous and messy waves to gathered in a knot on her head. With tissues in hand, she keeps wiping over and over at the running makeup.

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