Page 41 of Flying

I get out of the shower and she’s laying there with her back towards the wall and legs hanging over the side using the daybed as a couch. Feet dangling just above the floor. She’s holding her stomach and I watch it’s slow and controlled rise and fall. She’s so still, yet her fingers twitch every so often giving away that she’s likely awake. Testing this theory, first I grab my duffel and lightly place it next to her and she doesn’t seem to notice. Then, I start to dig for my clothes and turn my head to send droplets of water floating over her direction.

She couldn’t pretend to sleep much longer, so we moved to sit side by side facing her TV and kitchen island. There’s two bar stools that don’t match up against it. This place is nothing like the share house in Vermont. It’s nothing like the glamorous places she photographs herself either.Has she been hiding more struggles than we realized this whole time?

She pats my thigh right at the knee, but the simple touch sends ripples throughout my body. She opens up her phone and peering down starts to talk about something. It takes a minute to catch up and realize it’s the wedding.

“Alright, I have specific instructions from everyone for this week. My texts were going haywire while you were midair.”

Trapped and staring like a deer in headlights, I’m unable to blink. Iwait for her to go on, unsure where this is headed. I know about the condoms and comments made towards me. Lord only knows what they told her. Swallowing thickly, the best I can offer is a nod of encouragement. She seems to be stalling, too.

“So Stef asked us to run some interference because of the February party being unreasonable?” Her tone ends in a question, despite reading it like a statement.

“Oh yeah, I’m already on it. There’s some construction on the property, so this isn’t something you’ll have to worry about. But, glad you know.” I brighten, if this is just about this sort of thing I might survive the close proximity to her lavender chamomile scent and warmth radiating from her skin.

“Check! Next, the couple has decided that they’ll be sharing the pre-wedding festivities in Atlantic City. They said after this long, they’d rather have us all together and do some breakouts in smaller groups, more of the gendered stuff. I already reached out to a few places to see how many connecting suites we can pull off. We’ll want three: one for the guys, one for the girls from home, and one for the bevy of Santos and Manolo cousins expected to join in. I’ll keep you posted. Can you figure out some dinner options and a guys night out?”

She’s so focused, her tone serious, but all of her body language gives away discomfort. Shifting her weight, she rocks on her hips causing her to teeter towards me, and then move away. This dance of getting closer and moving away, I can’t tell if it’s intentional or not.

“That sounds like a good split. When you come out east we can finish up any details too. It’ll be nice to be in the same place for longer.” I lightly elbow her. Hoping she isn’t regretting agreeing to come stay with me once the work out back is done.

“What did Delia demand? I know she had something to say, and it better not be about the new kid she doesn’t like training. It’s not Kyle’s fault he didn’t know how to tap a keg.” I shake my head, laughing to myself at his awe over the concept of a tap.

“No, Delia said I have to find at least one place per day for you to get ideas for the bar.”

I try to stifle it, but a slight sigh of relief slips from me. Unfortunately then she says the least trustworthy name right now.

“Lastly, Nessa,” is all she gets out before I realize I’ve glazed over. I can barely feel it, but my hands are grappling invisible stress balls.

“Oh god, what did Nessa say?” I put my head in hands, any hint of keeping my cool evaporated beyond repair. I might as well have a jaw full of acne and a retainer again. She’s just looking at me, contemplating something. The sinking feeling in my stomach is causing me to twist with unease. Nessa, a relationship and sex therapist who is a big fan of troublemaking, this could go in many different directions.

Her face is soft, somehow softer with the low light off the lamp behind her, and she looks practically angelic as she gives me large doe eyes.

“Whatever could you mean? Concerns? About Nessa? Why, George River Hendrix! She only has the most lovely things to say about your trip.” She gives an over-emphasized pout and I want to beat her at this little game and just capture it in my teeth. Yank her towards me and tell her how much of a brat she’s being.Whoa, I want to what?

I blink a few times for good measure.Is it warmer in here?Anxiously, I start to fix my hair and I swear she watches each motion of my fingers closely. Her tongue slowly licks across her bottom lip and stays tucked between her teeth, poking out the slightest bit.

On a giggle, we bump shoulders before she casually finishes, “Nessa, wants you to fly back with some edibles in gummy vitamin containers. There is a brand she likes that the New Jersey dispensary doesn’t carry. She was making jokes about mules, did she do that to you, too, before you came here?”

Oh thank you, sweet lord, this is my out. “Yeah,” I scratch at the back of my neck trying to stall a bit. “Yep. Uh huh. That’s all. You know, Elizabeth wouldn’t care but if George Jonathan Hendrix ever heard that I was less than perfect he’d just give Robert another gold star and lecture me about being more like my brother. Again.”

Lily, in all her infinite gentle kindness immediately approves. “Not really worth testing the FAA. It’s still a federal felony to cross state lines with products, even from one legalized state to another. Despite this brand being way better, she will survive if you don’t bring it. In fact, if you are uncomfortable you should absolutely not bring anything with you. It’s not a risk you need to take on.”

Like when shewas my deskmate, Lily meticulously checks off items on the list, adjusts the next steps needed with light movements of her wrist. Next, she looks at the week ahead in front of her.

“I traded some shifts so I’m all yours this week.” She points to the crossed out shifts and notes on who she traded with. I wonder if she hears what I hear when she says she’s all mine or if it’s the weariness of a late night and travel day letting my mind run wild with the sentiment.

“It looks like the weather should be cooperating with us tomorrow,” I point out, glancing at my phone for something to do that isn’t staring at her.

“Yeah, well, you never know out here, it changes on a dime. But, since you’re beat and there’s a few small party planning things to cover let’s just lay low. We can focus on Atlantic City party planning and order take out. But first, check this spot out for tomorrow.” She passes me her laptop with a bar website pulled up.

“That is perfect, it was a whirlwind going from opening the envelope with a plane ticket from them, to arriving here today,” I agree, feeling my chest ache a bit. I want so badly to believe this was because Lily wanted to care for my needs, because of me, right now.

The local distillery she has pulled up looks amazing. It’s part of the RiNO, or River North Art District, and is right where a graffiti walking tour group ends their route. I take a few minutes to call their business line and get the owner’s daughter. The shared excitement about the industry and family legacy is palpable and we chat for nearly twenty minutes about tomorrow. Before hanging up to manage the dinner rush she asks us to come at 9:00 p.m. since she expects a slow night tomorrow.

Glancing at Lily, I can’t help but smile. “For a bunch of shit-stirrers, our friends really were on to something.”

That causes her to tentatively pull her lips back and let out a full, toothy smile before pursing her lips in concentration again. The light behind her eyes has me fully captivated, and the swell of her lower lip causes me to become deeply aware that I want to press mine to them as much as I did at fifteen, possibly more.

It’s easy to get lost in unanswerable questions about the future whether it is my family legacy or if Lily could love me enough to come home.

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