Page 99 of Scarlet Sins

“Aren’t they?” I know he’s right. I think it’s why I brought this up. I need him to whip me into place. Out of everyone, he knows me… not best, but most honestly. And he’ll give me the brutal honest response. My sister will be diplomatic and, well, my sister. Erin’s too close.

“The girl’s no gold digger. She just wanted her son, one she didn’t know if you even wanted, to grow up safe. Andyou? I thought you had this sorted already. So what’s the real problem?”

I take a breath. That is the real problem.

And then I stop.

We’ve talked this through. I handle the little waves of loss when they come up so why have I turned it all to the point she asked me for the absolute truth.

And it hits me that I didn’t give it.

What’s the real problem?

“I’m scared. Not all the way because I’m fucking excited and full of hope and love and all the rest. But a big part is scared. I’m scared this happiness will blow up in my face.”

He doesn’t say a word but he manages to push himself up and hobble over to the vodka to refill his glass. He brings the bottle and tops off mine.

I’m about to tell him he shouldn’t be walking but his expression shuts that down.

Ilya wants me to dig deeper.

“I’m scared of what another child means. I’m learning on the go with Sasha. Learning to be a dad. But a toddler and a baby? Fuck, what if I screw up? What if I can’t handle it?”

Ilya claps. “And there we have it.” He smiles. “Demyan, you’re worrying for nothing. You’re an amazing dad already. You’ve got this.”

“Okay. Talk over,” I say because my throat’s getting scratchy. “Let’s work on this thing with Vince…”

Later,I check in on Sasha who’s just waking up. I tiptoe out but leave the door open because there’s a guard up here and Olga will be by soon. Besides, I figure I’ll wake up Erin, tell her I don’t think she lied, that I don’t blame her, that I’m just a little scared. And I know to do that will take a lot offucking bravery, way more than me looking down the barrel of a gun like I’ve done on more than one occasion.

Shit like that has nothing on this.

But when I walk in, she steals my heart, my breath, and probably years from my life at how fucking hot she looks sleeping.

Christ, I’m not even old and I’m already a pervert. But who’d convict me for finding my fiancée hot and sexy in her disheveled state, the sheets tangled around her.

I lock the door and climb on the bed, right as her eyes flutter and she stirs, opening those pretty blues and looking up at me. She trails a hand over my cheek and down my chest.

“Erin, I’m sorry I said you lied. You didn’t. Things happen. And I’m sorry, too. I’m just… scared.”

“Why? You’re a good man, Demyan.”

I almost laugh at that but I kiss her hand as I capture it and pull it up from my chest.

“And you love Sasha. I’ve never seen him take to someone like he has you. You’re a good father. A little soft…”

The wicked light in her gaze hooks me deep and I kiss her slow, trailing my tongue along her lips, and as they open, I taste her depths, her tongue whispering along mine, sending shivers dancing through me.

I undress, because fuck dinner, it can wait. I pull the covers from her and slip my hand between her thighs as I kiss and suck at her throat, her moans feeding me more than food ever could.

Wet and hot and willing. I part her lips, outer and inner, and push two fingers into her, thrusting as I find that spongy nub inside her tight canal and I rub it each time, my thumb teasing and working her clit.

I’m hard against her as she rocks into me. I’m aching and I kiss down to her tits, biting and sucking each peak.

Soon, they’ll be sensitive to the point I can’t. And that spurs me on. I don’t care that’s months away; I like the idea of her changing with our child, of certain things being on a timer right now. And I know I’m going to have to read books to find what she might want or can take after the baby, what level we can go to before the baby when the birth’s close. Shit, am I going to be jealous when the kid feeds?—

“Oh my God, you’re suckling and it feels so good… What are you thinking about?”

I let the nipple pop free. “Sex. Before and after the baby.”

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