Page 111 of Scarlet Secrets

I snapped.

The horrible part is I know there’s nothing between them. Ilya’s loyal and even if he wanted Erin, which he’s never shown even an inkling of doing, he’d never ever come close to crossing a line.

As I sit here, it dawns on me what my problem was.

Jealousy.

A new breed.

With Erin, sometimes it’s an uphill battle for me not to pull things apart, to keep even-keeled. I like her so much I can’t breathe, and I don’t know how to tell her. Or show her. Every time I try, I fuck up. And every time I fuck up, it gets harder.

Seeing how easy they are together, seeing how Ilya makes her smile and laugh and display an openness I only had when we first met, it does things to me. Debilitates.

Seeing them like old pals drove me insane.

And I know Sasha loves him, too.

Alina told me. She told me my son asked about me. But I’ll admit it. My anger and fury had nothing to do with Sasha.

Everything to do with Erin.

I want what Ilya has with her.

I want that openness. That level of comfortable.

She’s mine.

And I can’t stand to see her with someone else. Not even my friend. When it was innocent.

“Shit.” I take a long pull on the vodka. Then another.

I fucked up.

Royally.

Cataclysmic comes to mind, too.

And now I’ve got the problem of Stefina, because Sergio informed me it’s going ahead. Wedding invitations, the works, are ready to go.

He’s doing this to manipulate me. He even brought up Erin. Not her specifically, but the hot blonde I turned upwith at that event. Someone must have mentioned her to him.

What the hell was I thinking agreeing to marrying Stefina?

I know my excuse is sound. Avenge Max. I was so focused on that and on sending a message that no one messes with my family, that instead of me just going for Niko, I tried to trap him so I could bring him down and extract that revenge.

I’m still after that revenge but maybe Ilya was right—there were better ways than Sergio.

Because it seems in a bid to protect what’s mine, I might have sacrificed my own happiness.

I want to be with Erin. With Sasha. But if Sergio makes good on his threat of announcing this fucking wedding, then… Fuck

Me humiliating him is an option. Point-blank denying it, backing out. But then a man like Sergio, if he is working the Niko angle for himself, will have more power than he should. And he’ll be out for blood.

Then Niko?—

Someone knocks on my door. I look up and over, then take the bottle and another deep swallow.

Ilya’s not respecting my previously closed door.

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