Page 42 of Rise By Sin

“Mace?”

“Yeah baby?”

“I l-love you. Always have. I wish things were different.” I wasn’t even sure the words had come out as my eyes closed, but then I heard his reply.

“I love you too. I’m going to make everything okay for us all. I promise.”

CHAPTER 13

AVA

“Hey,” I greeted as I walked into the living room and found Mason, Jack, and Deacon all up already. Jack was at the stove cooking something and Deak looked to be making coffee. Mason sat at the counter looking intently at his laptop, but he stopped and turned to me when I spoke.

I hadn’t gotten dressed. As soon as I had opened my eyes I knew I wasn’t going to have a good day health wise. My back was already aching angrily before I even sat up and the second I moved my legs, my right thigh had gone into an agonizing spasm. My head pounded too, but I knew that was likely the result of my meltdown the day before, and during the night with Mason.

So getting dressed had been a no-no. Getting showered and dressed was an impossibility. I hadn’t even tried to take my pills yet because my hands were shaking so hard I knew I had no chance of even opening the bottles, let alone holding the pills. My body was exhausted and it was determined to prove it to me that morning apparently.

“Morning love. Are you alright?” Jack asked, and he was already rounding the counter and moving towards me. It wasn’t like he even needed to ask. I was sure from the heavy way I leant againstmy stick and the violent shaking of my body that I was far from alright.

I knew how pathetic I had to look as I stood there, just barely. All I wore was the oversized t-shirt Jack had changed me into the day before. My skin was so pale, and my bare legs which they could all now see were pale, way too thin, and covered in dark mottled bruises of varying ages from the countless times I stumbled into objects, or fell over completely. I hated showing them myself in that state, but I’d had little choice that morning. Just getting to where I stood was a miracle in the state my body was. I had thought about just locking the bedroom door and hiding from them all for the day, but Mason’s words from the night before had resonated with me, and I had opted to push through my shame and embarrassment to instead put my trust in him and Jack. Deak too, since he was there and seeing me at such a low point.

“Bad day,” I shakily told jack, even my voice sounding weak and lame. He was before me now and he wrapped his arm around my back instantly, taking some of my weight and helping me to maintain my balance.

“Bad day?” Deak questioned, and when I turned from Jack, I found he was close to me too now.

“My injury. I have good days and bad days with the pain and other symptoms,” I clarified. “This is d-definitely a bad day.” I ground my teeth together as the spasms in my thigh got even worse, and the pain started to shoot up the center of my back. I’d have collapsed to the floor if Jack hadn’t been there to keep me upright. “Sorry,” I gasped as I looked to him with embarrassment.

“You’ve been pushing too hard, Haven’t you? This last couple of days is finally taking it’s toll,” Mason said from where he still sat ay the counter facing me.

“Yeah,” I admitted. “I think so. I don’t th-think it’s been this bad before.” My body was jumping slightly with every stab of pain up my back, and the pain took my breath away.

“Tell us what we can do to make it better, sweetheart,” Deak asked as he came closer and ran his enormous hand down my wild hair soothingly.

“I n-need my meds….but I…I might need some help.” I couldn’t even look any of them in the eye as I said those horrifying words. How hard could it be to take some pills, and yet I needed help to do it!

“I’ll grab them,” Deak said as he hurried off towards my room.

“Where’s the pain coming from?” Jack asked me as he carefully lifted me up into his arms bridal style and moved to sit on the sofa with me on his lap. I sighed at the relief of not trying to stand any longer.

“My right thigh…it’s in spasm and my back…shooting pain up m-my back,” I stuttered out between hisses of and gasps of agony.

I closed my eyes to try and focus myself so I could get it together somewhat, but moments later they shot open in shock as I felt strong hands wrapping around my right thigh and applying pressure. I was surprised to find Mason on his knees before me. He’d thrown off the charcoal vest from his three piece suit and rolled up the sleeves of his white shirt.

“Mason…”

“Sshh baby. Just lean into Jack and try to relax for us. Tell me if I’m hurting you, okay?”

“You’re really not,” I sighed as the spasm seemed to ease off almost instantly as he massaged my leg with force, but not so much that it hurt me. It was just what I needed and his slightly rough hands against my skin was the distraction I needed from everything else going on. Damn, those hands felt so good and I was getting turned on with every single movement of them. Just the sight of his dark skin against my pale white, and the sheer size of them against my skinny thigh was enough to have me wishing I could press my thighs together to ease the ache. Add in the blessed relief he was giving me from the pain and I was a mess.

“Is that helping, Ave?” Jack asked and I just nodded as I pressed my face into his chest and tried to relax against him as Mason had told me to.

I had forgotten how easily I could fall into submission with the two of them. Just the authority Mason could push into his voice, even while still sounding gentle as he had that morning, had always instantly made me feel able to let go and stop thinking. When I gave in to Jack and Mason I was able to feel free of worry and control. All I had to do was follow their instructions, w=always knowing I was safe with them. Of course I always held the ultimate control with my safe word. Mine had always been ‘pickles’ and Mace, Jack and I had all agreed that if that word ever came from my mouth everything would stop. I gad never needed to use it with them, but I had never doubted they would stop everything if I ever needed to.

Laid there in Jacks arms, doing as Mason had gently directed me to was very different from the scene we used to do togethera decade before, but it was still giving me what I had craved all those years ago – the ability to just stop thinking and simply be. It gave me the safety to finally just let go for once, and I had needed that for so, so long.

In the decade we’d been apart I’d had sex. I wasn’t a nun. I’d even had a few brief relationships, but they had never been anything close to the dynamic Mason, Jack and I had once shared – not that we’d ever had full sex in our sessions together. Without them, and with my demons haunting me, sex had always just been sex since I left New York. It scratched an itch most of the time, but it never gave me what I had in that moment. It never gave me the peace and safety I had from Mason’s gentle commands.

After the attack and hell I had endured in that one night I had told myself I would never ever need submission in my life again. That monster had made me realise that I always needed to be in control at all times. Letting go and trusting in others as fully as I would need to, to submit was never an option. But with Jack and Mace it was, and I realized as I lay there that I needed it. I needed to have the ability to just let go, and Jack and Mason were the only two guys I trusted enough to give me it.

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