Page 28 of Rise By Sin

“You hav a future, Ava. You have us, and Colt. We’re gonna find him and then all of us are going to get you the best fucking doctors there are. We’ll find a way to make things better. We’ll work out how to make the pain better,” Mason spoke with determination.

“He’s right. There’s no fucking way we’re going to let you just give up. Jesus Christ, I feel sick just hearing you say that,” Jack agreed.

“I’ve tried,” I sighed as I pulled back more ridiculous tears. “I’ve seen doctors – several of them. I’ve tried all kinds of drugs and I had physio. I’ve trained until I almost passed out and it makes no difference. The pain is always there. My mobility never improves either. I don’t sleep, barely eat and the side effects of the drugs only add to everything. Why the fuck do you think I’ve been drinking. Blacking out stone cold drunk is the only release I ever get.”

“We know you’ve tried, baby, but you were alone then. You didn’t even allow Colt in. Now you’ll have us. We’ll help you through this. We can deal with these problems, can’t we?” Mason asked me as he cradled me even tighter against his chest.

“I’m not what you need anymore. That attack…what that bastard did to me…I can’t….I’m not like that anymore,” I whispered, my voice filled with shame at what I have to admit. “The scenes we used to…to do. I’d freak out if we tried to do that now. I’d completely lose it and go into meltdown. Hell, I think one restraint around my wrist w-would…” I had to pause as my breathing got away from me and I found myself gasping at just the idea of them restraining me. “See! I c-can’t even think about it!” I cried in a gasp.

“Easy love. Just breathe, okay? Just slow down and breathe for us. We don’t have to talk about any of this right now. You’re safe. Everything’s okay,” Jack tried to soothe as he crowded in closer so I was surrounded by the both of them, and it helped. I gasped in deeper and deeper breaths until I found some calm once again.

“I’m sorry,” I said more calmly as I forced myself to sit up and pull away from Mason’s arms, though I still sat in his lap. “I don’t know why I lost it like that. I guess I haven’t slept much lately.”

“You have nothing to be sorry for, Ava. You know you can fall apart with us any time. We’re always here for you, no matter what. No matter how much time has passed between us, that never changed,” Mason promised as he traced his finger over my cheek and pushed some loose strands of hair from my face behind my ear.

“He’s right. We’re always here for you. Tel us what you need right now. Anything. Let us help make things easier,” Jack requested and when I looked round to him there was a desperation in his face that I couldn’t ignore.

“I just need to find Colt,” I told them both. “Alive. He’s all the family I have left I’ve been such a bitch to him this last year. I need to get him back so I can make it better. I just….I need him back.”

“I don’t believe that’s true. Colt never stops talking about you. He loves you, Ave. He was just worried about you because he’d barely heard form you lately,” Jack tried to reassure me, but it didn’t ease my guilt.

“Why don’t we go and get some breakfast while we look over those cell records, okay? Maybe we’ll find a lead there,” Mason suggested and I nodded eagerly, grateful for anything that meant we could move on from my insane meltdown. I had told them everything I never wanted them to know, and yet I couldn’t regret it. Maybe knowing everything would make them see there was no sunny future laid out ahead for the three of us.

“What did you hurt when you feel, and don’t lie to me. I know every single expression on that face of yours and you know it. You’re in a lot of pain right now,” Jack said firmly and I knew he was right. They both knew every intricacy of my face from the times we played together at the club. It was why we always worked so well together. They always knew exactly what I was thinking and feeling when we scened, sometimes before even I did.

“It’s just my back. I didn’t hurt it, but it got jolted. It’s fine though. I’m used to it,” I confessed.

“Tell us how it feels,” Mason urged.

“It’s just some tingling in my lower back where I’ve lost sensation and some shooting pain. It’s nerve damage. It will settle down eventually.” I left out that the ‘after’ meant after ahandful of pills and a large bottle of vodka I could hopefully slup out to buy at some point that day.

“Do you have pain pills?” Jack asked.

“Yeah, but I already took them this morning. I’m really okay though Jack. I can handle this,” I tried to reassure him.

“You said you usually use a wheelchair at home. Why didn’t you being it here? Should you even be on your feel like you have been?” Mason fussed.

“Guys, I’m good. I should have brought my chair in hindsight, but I didn’t want you guys or Colt to see me like that. It’s bad enough you all seeing me as weak and unsteady as I am,” I sighed.

“You’ve never for one second in your life been weak, Ava Scott,” Jack said softly as he ran his hand gently down over my hair. “No more trying to hide from us, okay? We can’t help if we don’t know what’s going on.”

“I don’t need you to help. I can manage pretty well on my own. It’s been working for me so far anyway. I just need you to help me find Colt,” I reminded them.

“We’ll do that. We’ll help you find Colt, but in exchange e want you to let us in, and allow us to help you while you’re here. That means being honest with us both about when you’re struggling or in pain. It means eating and sleeping properly and it means no more drinking,” Mason spoke up, using his very demanding ‘Dom’ voice that sent a shudder of excitement through me, despite my belief I could never be submissive ever again.

“You’re not my dad, Mason,” I snapped at him, annoyed.

“No, I’m not,” he agreed. When I turned to slide away from him he wrapped one arm around my waist, pulling me tight against his front and caught my chin with his other, pinching it hard enough to lift my face until our eyes met. “I am, however, a man who loves and cares about you far more than you seem to fucking realize and I will not sit back and allow you to hurt yourself any longer. Do you understand me? It’s not up for debate. You will allow Jack and I to take care of and protect you until this whole mess with Colt is cleared up and we get him back home.”

“I don’t take orders any more, Mason,” I hissed as I ripped my chin free from his grasp and fought to get free of the strong arm he had banded around me.

“You will if you want to be a part of the investigation into Colt’s disappearance,” he threw back and when I turned to glare at him his square jaw was set with determination.

“Screw you. You can’t stop me from looking for Colt!” I cursed.

“No, I can’t, but I can keep you out of my investigation, and I don’t think you’ll get far without my resources now, will you?” he taunted. I knew he was right. I needed the cell records I knew he already had if there was any hope of me getting a new lead to follow. Right then I had nothing else to go on and no idea hwere else to look.

“Jack. Tell him he can’t blackmail into doing what he wants,” I pleaded as I turned to face him.

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