Page 15 of Rise By Sin

“And we let ourselves in. You really think Colt didn’t give me access to his place?” Mason told me smugly. He and Jackwere both looking way too hard at me and I felt so stupidly uncomfortable under their scrutiny. I shouldn’t care what they think. They’re nothing to me, I reminded myself.

Turning my attention back to Deacon I took a deep breath and tried to rein in my anger. It wasn’t like I could blame the poor guy too much for thinking I was vulnerable after the shit he’d seen from me the night before.

“Look, I appreciate you looking out for me, but you don’t need to. I do just fine at taking care of myself,” I told him more calmly.

“Yeah, it looks like it too,” Mason sneered and when I turned to him with rage, I realized what he was smirking at. I still held the empty and sizeable bottle of vodka in my hand. “Thirsty were you?” he asked as he finally lifted his gaze and met mine.

“Fuck you Mason!” I snapped as I moved past the three of them into the kitchen to throw the bottle into the trash. Seeing a coffee pod machine on the counter, with a rack of pods beside it, I set to work making myself coffee, filling the small tank with water and fighting not to mett the eyes of any of the men I could feel watching my every move.

“Did you actually do what was asked of you last night and file a report that Colt’s missing?” I growled as I started looking through the cabinets for a cup.

“Yes, and I ran a trace on his cell too, but it’s either turned off, or out of range,” Mason answered aftrer a deep sigh.

“What was the last location and when?” I dared to look up, but I only glanced at him for a moment before reching for the higher cabinets above me. Just the small movement had me jolting as a pain ran up my back and I tried hard to keep it contained.

“The day he left Jack and I voicemails, eight days ago, two blocks fromTemple,” Mason replied.

I forced myself to straighten up and reach for the next cabinet, refusing to lose face in front of these assholes, and also in desperate need of coffee, but I’d barely moved before I felt a wall of heat right at my back.

“I’ve got it , love,” Jack whiusoered so close to my ear I could feel the warmth of his breath against my skin, then he was reaching over me, his strong body pressing against mine as he easily opened the cabinet and pulled down a mug, which he handed to me.

All I wanted was to turn into his front and press my face against his chest the way I used to be able to. I wanted to feel the strength of his perfectly muscled arms wrap around me and remind me I wasn’t alone in my fucked up existence. I could already smell his sandal wood aftershave that he always wore and it felt dangerously familiar. Would he hold me if I turned into him? Would be give me the comfort I so desperately needed, even if just for a moment? I actually turned, my body moving without my mind’s full agreement. Jack looked so good in snug fitting black jeans, paired perfectly with a black shirt, the buttons at the top unbuttoned so I could see the contrast between bare skin at one side of his neck, and the dark ink of the tattoo that I knew ran up his side from his hip, all the way up to his neck. His wild, dark hair hung wavily around his face as always and his blue eyes were locked right on my face as he too semmed to take me in.

That was what jolted me back to reality. While I was seeing the sexy as sin man I had crushed on for so many years, I knew he was seeing a shriveled, wrinkled, pale and weak version of the girl he had once known and I was ashamed and embarrassed.

“I don’t need your fucking help,” I hissed as I ripped the mug from his hand and moved as far from him as I could to the coffee machine.

I caught sight of Jack sighing deeply as he ran his tattooed hand through his hair in frustration. The fact I had to scold myself silently for finding even that sexy was a clear sign that it had been way too long since I got laid.

“So Colt hasn’t tuned his cell on for eight days,” I spoke up, getting back to what really mattered. “That’s not good. That thing is practically fucking glued to his hand. Something’s not right.”

“Yeah, I agree, and I’m definitely concerned. I want to go to Temple this morning and access the surveillance footage for that day,” Mason agreed.

“I can help you with that,” Deacon offered.

“Me,” I corrected as I rounded the large kitchen island and set my already exhausted body into one of the stools there. “You can help me do that. I already told you guys I don’t need your help, nor do I want it,” I told Mason and Jack flatly as I briefly glanced between them, unable to look longer. They had the same effect they’d had on me all those years ago, and I had to maintain a distance to stop myself from weakening,

“Ave…” Jack tried, but Mace cut him off.

“No choice I’m afraid, wildcat. This is my investigation now. You want to find Colt, you work with me,” he said smugly, and when I glared at him, the smile on his face made me want to junk punch the asshole.

“Does it really matter, as long as we find Colt?” Deacon said, clearly trying to calm the situation.

“Deak’s right,” Jack agreed. “Whatever happened between us needs to take back seat now, until we find Colt and ger him home. Surely we can all just find a way to work together?”

“Don’t look at me. She’s the one who seems to have the problem. Got a stick up her ass about some imagined slight you and are supposed to have done over a decade ago. Maybe if she had the guts to just come out and fucking say it, we could just clear the air, but oh no! She’d rather stew over it and drown herself in fucking liquor!” Mason blew up, the whole time his enraged glare locked right on me as he pointed an accusing finger.

I didn’t even know where to start biting back. Mainly because he wasn’t wrong. Their slight against me was pretty much imagined, wasn’t it? They had every right to play with that ither sub that night, and they sure as fuck weren’t in any way to blame for what happened afterwards. That rested squarely on my idiotic shoulders and I knew it. Maybe a fucked up part inside of me had blamed them for it all, and still did, but I knew that part was wrong.

No, what really pissed me off about them was that they were still the men I had always been in love with, even for the years that we’d been apart. They were still strong, handsome, sexy, and as caring and good as they’d always been. I, on the other hand wasn’t even a fraction of the girl I’d been back then, and I was ashamed and embarrassed about that, ashamed and embarrassed of myself. I didn’t want them close to me, because I didn’t want them to see how far I had fallen and how fucked up I was, both inside and outside. I hated the fact just seeing them for such a brief time, had brought back the feelings I had worked so hard to crush. I still loved them both, and that fucking hurt, because I couldn’t have them. I wasn’t good enough for them and I never would be.

“You’ve become a real asshole, Mace,” I tried to throw back, but it was lame and I knew it, my voice wobbling as emotion hit me hard. Refusing to let them see any more I set down my coffee, grabbed my stick and left the room as fast as I could. Tears were trickling down my cheeks as I reached Colt’s home office, but I didn’t stop to swipe them away in case any of them had followed me. Instead I just slipped inside and slammed the door closed behind me.

It hurt too much being back there. There was so much of my past there, good and bad, and it all fucking tore at me. I couldn’t be there. I had to find Colt and get the hell away before it broke down the armor and walls I had worked so hard to build around myself, completely.

“Ava? Can I come in?” Jack called as he knocked on the door seconds after I slammed it shut. I still stood behind it, my hand gripping the doorknob like it was the only thing keeping me together.

“No,” I replied as I forced myself to take a breath. “I need to look through everything here. Tell Mase and Deacon to go to Temple and check the footage. We’ll meet at the club tonight at seven to go over what we have,” I went on more calmly.

---