Page 45 of Rise By Sin

“I already told you honey, I’m not going anywhere.” He leaned into kiss my lips and I lifted to meet him halfway. I knew the other guys were watching, but I needed that. I needed to feel what it was like to kiss Deacon. Sadly, he kept it short with just a couple of pecks, but even that was enough to have me clamping my thighs together as need rushed over me.

“So this is a thing now?” Mason demanded as Deak pulled back and rose to his full height.

“Mace…” Jack tried.

“I don’t know what it is, Mason!” I cried, hating seeing the anger, and worse – hurt - on his face. “I don’t know what any of thisis between any of us. All I know is that I feel safe with all of you. I have feelings for all of you. You all make me feel like things aren’t as terrifying and overwhelming as they really are right now, and I need that! I know how selfish that makes me, especially when I have no idea what I can offer the three of you in the future, but right now I need all of you!”

“I don’t care what you can offer me in the future, Ava. Right now I have feelings for you too, sweetheart. Really strong fucking feelings. I’m all in, and if you need all of us, then that doesn’t bother me, as long as I get to be with you too,” Deacon told me earnestly.

“Mason and I feel exactly the same, love. Just ignore Mason. He’s being a jealous wanker, but hewillget over himself eventually,” Jack told me, glaring at Mason with every word he spoke. “If you want to see where things go with Deak then that’s fine, as long as you know Mason and I aren’t going anywhere.”

“I shouldn’t be seeing where anything goes with any of you!” I snapped as I sat up and lowered my legs to the floor. I wanted to stand and start pacing, but there was no way I had the strength or energy that morning. “I’m sorry. I don’t even know what I’m doing!” I buried my face in my hands and rested my elbows on my knees.

“You have nothing to be sorry for,” Deacon told me and I felt the sofa dip as he sat beside me and wrapped his arm around me.

“I do! I’m using all of you I have nothing to offer you after all of this is over. We’ve been through this. I’m a mess. You all can do so much better. I just…I was scared and so…so exhausted. It felt good to just give in to the way you each make me feel. It felt goodto just stop fighting fucking everything for once. I’m so sorry. God, I’m such as asshole!”

“Jesus, love. Just take breath. You’re not as asshole,” Jack laughed as I felt him crouch before me, both of his warm hands landing on my bare knees. “I don’t understand how the bloody hell you ever convinced yourself you’re not good enough for us, but it’s crap, Ave. You’re beautiful and so damn strong and feisty. Everything I loved about you a decade ago is still right here in front of me. I know you have an injury, and yes, I get that it makes life difficult for you, but it will never change the way I feel about you. We can have a life together. We can have a future. Your thirty-four years old. You have to stop talking like there’s nothing left ahead for you.”

“He’s right. Your injury doesn’t change a damn thing for me either. I have loved you for over a decade Ava, and that will never change, even if you succeed in running from us again. There’s no one else on this earth for me except you. You have to start understanding that we mean what we’re telling you. You have to stop seeing all of the negative and believe what Jack said – that we can all have an amazing future if you’ll just look forwards instead of back,” Mason added. When I finally lifted my head I found him stood behind Jack with his arms folded over his chest. He was staring at me like I was a challenge he would never allow himself to fail.

“But you and Jack… you need more than I can offer you anymore. I could never be wh…”

“No!” Mason cut me off firmly. “No more of this. Jack and I don’t need to inflict a little pain like we used to at the club. We did that because it was what you needed at the time, but for the both of us our dominant sides are just about control, not about pain. Iknow you can’t do that anymore, sweetheart. I know your scars aren’t just the ones that we can see, but you can still submit for me, and for Jack too, I’m sure. You already have, several times.”

“We don’t need clubs or the scenes, Ava. Mason is right. If you can allow me to have some control, especially in the bedroom, that’s all I need. That and you. Not only do I know you can give me that, love. I think you need it. I think you need to be able to let go of the tight grip you have on everything sometimes, and just let us take over, don’t you?” Jack asked, and I was nodding before I even thought through what that admittance meant.

“Sometimes,” I added in little more than a whisper. “But my body. There’ll be days when I won’t even be capable of having sex. I don’t think there’s even a chance I could have kids in this amazing future you seem to planning for all of us. I don’t think I’d be able to carry them. Fuck guys, I can’t even drag myself out of bed half the time. You can all do much, much better than me, and that’s not me feeling sorry for myself. It’s just the truth.”

“There is no better than you. Not for me,” Mason told me.

“Me either. I agree with Mason. You’re mine, and even if I can never have you, I’ll never give up hope, and I will never settle down with anyone other than you. Mace and I will just have to grow old together,” he joked, making me smile.

“Ava. I know we barely know each other and this is all new, so I won’t make any of the forever promises these two assholes are making, but I want to have the chance to get to know you, and if these two have to be a part of that, then I’m good with it too. Your injury, and nothing else you just said puts me off in any way. I just want to have a chance with you, sweetheart.”

“You fucking guys and your sweet words,” I sniffled as I swiped the tears from my eyes. I needed to get it together. I had barely cried in a decade before I returned to that city. Now I couldn’t seem to stop.

“We don’t have to decide anything here and now. Just say you’ll stop trying to push away and see how things go, okay? Let us be here for you and take care of you. Let us show you how amazing, beautiful, and sexy we all think you are. Just give us a chance?” Jack almost pleaded.

“Fine,” I sighed. “I’ll stop trying to push you away, as long as you all promise to stop looking at me with rose tinted glasses and actually start considering what a future with me would really be like. Trust me, it will not be a cake walk. My medical issues are only the tip of the iceberg. I never lied or exaggerated every single time I told you I am completely messed up.” They all looked to me with varying looks of annoyance, but when I stared them down they eventually gave nods. I just hoped they were listening to me because I didn’t want to get into a relationship with any of them only to be abandoned down the line when my issues became too much. I couldn’t go through that.

CHAPTER 14

JACK

I yawned as I hit send on the email I had just composed. It was filled with he applications of club members Ava and I had spent all afternoon picking out as files that needed diving deeper into. They were all men, most of whom had given the absolute bare minimum of information on their forms. They were agreed between late twenties to late forties, since that was the most Ava could narrow the age down from what she had seen of the bastard who took her.

If there was anything to be found there Johnny – a tech guy I had worked with in my old life back home in good old blighty – would find it.

“Is she out?” Mason asked as he walked in and glanced down at where Ava had fallen asleep on the sofa over an hour before. She had been exhausted, but I hadn’t pushed her to go to bed as I wanted to. I had just allowed her to drop off where she sat, then repositioned her across the sofa so she would be more comfortable.

The dom in me was driving me to take a firm hand with her, which she clearly needed. She had barely eaten a thing all day and the only way she’d kept her eyes open was because she’d been plying herself with coffee. She was pushing too hard and weall knew it, but I was cared if I went to hard I’d push her away and I couldn’t risk that. She’d agreed to try with us, and that was something I wasn’t going to take lightly.

“Finally. I don’t think she had anything left in her,” I sighed. “I should have taken her to her room hours ago, but I’m scared to push too hard. Do we even know what her triggers are? I don’t want to scare her, or give her reason to hate me again.” I rose to my feet and followed Mace into he kitchen. He started making coffee and I handed him my mug, in desperate need of a caffeine injection.

“I think her triggers are linked to pain. That fucker tortured her. The scars on her back are definitely from a whip, but I’ve seen smaller scars too, that I think were from a cat and nine tails. I don’t think she’ll ever be into the kind of pain she craved before, and mentioning the idea definitely sets her off,” he explained. “But I’ve given her gentle commands and she seems to follow them easily enough. I think she craves us taking over o a basic level right now. I think she needs it after a decade of trying to control and micro manage every single aspect of her life. It’s okay to push her a little,” he told me.

“Okay,” I nodded. “I’ve done some research on spinal injury specialists too. I think I found one she should see. Maybe there’s more that can be done to ease her pain levels/” I suggested.

---