Page 26 of Rise By Sin

“Stop calling me that!” I told him as I gave myself a shake. They were getting under my skin, both he and Jack. And Deacon too if I was fully honest with myself. I couldn’t let that happen. I had no idea why any of them would even be interested in thecrumbled remains of who I used to be that remined, but even if they were, it could never happen.

“Why? You are my baby girl. You always have been, and no matter how hard you work to push me away, you always will be.”

Fuck. Those words hurt. Apart of me wished he’d go back to the way he treated me wen I first arrived there again. I wanted him to hate me and go back to throwing his barbs at me. It was easier than hearing me everything I ever wanted and being forced to push it all away.

“Just give it up, Mace. Please, just let it go, before we all get hurt even more than we already are,” I pleaded as I locked my eyes with his.

“No,” he said flatly, then he rose to his feet and back away a few steps. “Your meds are on the nightstand beside you and your walking stick is beside you. I had someone bring it all from evidence this morning. Come out when you’re ready. I got Colt’s cell phone records.” That was it. He didn’t say another word as he turned and strode from the room. Did that ‘no’ mean he wasn’t giving up? Stubborn asshole! Didn’t he see how much it hurt every time they gave me stupid hope for things I knew I could never have?

***

I felt tired and way too fucking weak as I walked out of the bedroom I’d woken in and followed the long hall out into a wide, open living space. Jack’s place was a loft apartment with a double height ceiling in this section. The windows overlooking the city were enormous and wide, allowing the early morning sun light to filter in, almost blinding me. The fact I hurt so much physically amd felt unsteady on my shaky legs seemedto be sucking away the bravado I usually hid behind and I felt uncomfortably vulnerable as I walked past a comfortable looking lounge area and towards the kitchen where Jack looked to be cooking.

“Morning Ave. Grab a seat. I was just making some bacon for sarnies. That okay?”

“Sarnies,” I repeated with an honest smile. “I’d forgotten that word.”

“Do you remember any of the words I taught you?” he asked as he abandoned the pan of bacon and moved to the coffee machine behind him.

“Some.” I nodded as I sat down awkwardly on one of the stools at the counter. “Sorry about last night,” I went on, needing to change the subject to something that wouldn’t ake either of us back to the past. “Did you get any sleep?”

“Don’t be worrying about me. I’ll be fine. How are you feeling?” He leaned over the counter and handed me a steaming cup of coffee, black – just the way I liked it, then he returned to the bacon, but his eyes stayed on me, obviously awaiting an answer.

“I’ve been better,” I shrugged. “Where’s Mace?”

“Just having a quick shower and getting dressed. He won’t be long.”

I nodded as I fidgeted nervously with the hot mug between my hands. I just needed Mason to show me the phone records so I’d have something other to focus on other than how goos Jack looked in his low slung blue jeans and the slim fit white t-shirt that molded to his lean but muscular body like it was made forhim. I was almost drooling at the dark tattoos that ran up both of his arms in full sleeves, and the way they, along with the others that peeked out of the collar of his t-shirt and up his neck, contrasted so magically against the bright white fabric.

“Please try not to look so skittish, love. I know it’s been years since you last saw us, but surely you’re not scared of me or Mason?” he said, startling me so badly I jumped violently.

“Of course I’m not scared of you. What the fuck are you talking about?” I snapped as I tried to pull myself together. It was true – I knew neither of them would ever hurt me physically. The fear I had around the both of them was of the emotional kind. I knew they weren’t trying to hurt me, but they were, every time they were kind or told me they wanted me. With every word there tore at pieces of me I was barely managing to hold together as it was.

“See?” Jack said as he waved to me after seeing how hard I had jumped at the sound of his voice. “And you’re shaking too. Did we do something to scare you?”

“No. You could never! I just…I’m tired Jack, and I’m in pain. I’m always in pain. Like I keep telling you, I’m not the girl you knew before, not anymore,” I added honestly. It was the truth and I really needed him to fucking hear it.

“I get that you’re not the same woman I fell for ten years ago, Ave. I’m not the same bloke I was back then either. A lot has changed over the years and we’ve all got older and wiser, but none of that – none of what you’ve been through or the ways you’ve changed take anything away from the way I feel for you. You might not think you’re still the Ava I knew, but I see you, love. Push me away as much as you need to, but I fucking seeyou under all of the bollocks you spout, just trying to hide and protect yourself.”

“I’ve been back two days, Jack. You haven’t even seen who I’ve become since you last knew me, and I don’t want you to either,” I dismissed him, even though his words had made my heart flutter in my chest. I couldn’t get swept up in the fairytale crap he and Mason were offering though. I was no princess, and even if I was, no prince charming would ever be strong and brave enough to face my level of fucked up.

“Jees Ava, spin us a new one, for fucks sake. I’m sick of hearing this bull about how you’re not who you used to be. We don’t give two fucks who you are now. We loved you a decade ago. We’ve loved you every day since then and we still love you now. Just accept that and get on the same page, for all of our sakes,” Mason lectured as he walked into the kitchen, obviously hearing what Jack and I had been saying.

I turned to look at him with a glare, but when I saw him I forgot what I was even mad about. Fuck, he looked good. He was wearing a navy three piece suit, the vest fitted to his broad frame perfectly over the crisp white shirt he wore. He strode right over to me and slipped his matching jacket over the back of the stool beside the one I sat in, then he leaned in and kissed my temple before I could even pull myself together enough to protest. He had that smug, but oh-so-sexy smirk on his face and I loved the way his short beard and moustache brushed against my skin as he placed that kiss. He even smelled amazing and some soft part of me that still remained despite everything – a part I had buried deep inside – longed for him to just lift me into his arms and cradle me against his vast chest, making me feel safe ad protected just he way he always could before.

“He’s right. We’re not letting you walk away from us this time, so whatever plan you have to find Colt and disappear, you might as well forget right now. Wherever you run, we will come for you, love. We were idiots not chasing you before. We’re not making that mistake again,” Jack said, pulling me back to reality.

Mason had already walked away and now stood beside Jack, adding creamer to the coffee Jack must have made for him.

“”You hear us, baby? You’re ours,” he said firmly as he lifted his cup to his lips and took a long sip while his eyes locked on mine, daring me to argue.

“No,” I whispered weakly. I didn’t want to argue. I wanted to be theirs. I had always longed to be theirs, but it could never work. I had to end this whole thing once and for all. “No,” I said more firmly as I sat up straighter and looked between them. “I know I keep saying I’ve changed, but I really have. It’s not just my injury, though that’s enough to put any sane man off wanting to be with me.” I gave them a pointed stare.

“We’ve never been sane and you know it,” Jack chuckled.

“And your injury means shit to us. Whatever comes, whatever we have to do to be there for you and take care of you, we’ll do. You know that,” Mason added, almost breaking me with his gentle words, all smugness gone from his face now.

“You can’t say that without understanding what it would mean. I have days where I literally can’t get out of bed because of the pain. A lot of the time I use a wheelchair back home, and I have the balance of a new born fucking deer on ice!” I cried.

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