Page 2 of Rise By Sin

“Ava?” I turned quickly from the stage and looked up into my brothers dark green eyes. Even after working at this club for several years, I still felt conscious of him catching me interested in the scenes. That was why I always refused to play if he was in the building. The last thing I wanted was for my brother to see me over a spanking bench with my bare ass in the air.

“Hey,” I greeted. He was dressed impeccably as always, in a charcoal grey suit, with a crisp white shirt, open at the collar, beneath. He looked not a thing like me, with his light brown hair and strong bone structure. He was a little taller than me, but slim.

“What are you doing here? I thought you were going out with Gina and Fran?” he asked.

“I didn’t feel up to it. I thought I’d just hang out here and have a few drinks to celebrate instead,” I shrugged. It wasn’t a lie. I always tried hard not to lie to my brother after that fateful morning when everything changed for me.

“Well, I’m going to take it as a compliment that you’d rather celebrate with me than your friends,” he grinned. “Come on. You finishing college definitely calls for champagne.” He held his arm out and I linked mine around it and followed him to the bar.

“Hey you. What’re you doing here?” Nina asked from behind the bar as Colt helped me to take a seat on one of the high stools. I smiled to my friend who I had worked with for over two years now. I got on with most of the staff at the club, but especially Nina. She was a little older than me, and she had that ‘take no shit’ attitude that I loved and respected.

“We’re celebrating. My brain box kid sister finally finished her college classes today and she’s about to move on to bigger and better things,” Colt announced loudly, making me blush. I was far from a ‘brain box’ and I’d needed to work my ass off to get through my degree.

“Congrats, Ave!” Nina beamed. “Shall I get out the good stuff, boss?” she asked as she looked to Colt.

“Absolutely. Only the best for Bam,” he agreed easily as he looked to me again, this time with something more than just a smile. I saw pride on his face, pride for me, and I wasn’t quite sure what to do with that. I had caused hell for Colt for so long. I found it hard to believe he could look to me with pride and all of the love he always looked to me with. How could he love me so much when I’d blown his neatly ordered life to pieces for the last seven years?

“I told you not to call me that in here,” I said instead. Colt had been calling me ‘Bam’ever since the first week I came to live with him. I’d been so angry back then, and, in a fit of anger at him when he told me he didn’t want me taking the subway alone, I had tossed my cell across the room. It had smashed into some decorative glass shelves he had in his huge, fancy apartment and all six had smashed along with everything sitting on them, all of it destroyed except for a few books. I’d expected him to lose it with me, the way my mom would have, but instead he’d just laughed and started calling me ‘Bam-Bam’fromThe Flintstonesfor the chaos I created. Over time that had shortened to ‘Bam’ and I wasn’t sure Colt would ever stop using it.

“Sorry, but that name’s going nowhere until I’m cold and dead in the ground,” he laughed.

A shudder ran down my back at just the fleeting thought of losing him. Colt was all the family I had left and losing him would leave me lost and so alone. I couldn’t even stand to think about it.

“Don’t say shit like that, Colt,” I told him as the smile dropped from my face and an unreasonable panic filled me. I worked hard to keep my face straight, not wanting him to see my crazy.

“Hey.” He put his hand over mine on top of the bar and squeezed his fingers around mine. “I was kidding, okay? I’m not going anywhere. Neither of us are, right?”

“Right,” I agreed with a nod. Colt didn’t really have any family other than me either. His mom was still alive, but she stopped talking to him the day he chose to take me in. He had chosen me over his own mother and I never forgot that. He hadn’t even known me back then. Apart from the couple of times he entertained me for a few minutes while my mother begged, cried, and screamed at his father, we didn’t know each other at all. But he refused to allow me to go into the system, even though it would only have been for barely a year. He took me in and turned his whole life around all to take care of me – a selfish, ungrateful teenager who hated the world.

Nina, Colt, and I laughed and joked, having fun while Colt and I drained the bottle of fancy champagne way too fast. I kept my eyes open for Jack and Mason, but they weren’t anywhere to be seen. I knew it was likely Mace was working a case if he wasn’t there, but Jack was always around. It was his job to be around. He managed the place.

“Who’re you looking for, boo?” Nina asked me when she caught me glancing behind me again.

“I just thought Jack and Mason might be here. I though they could celebrate with us,” I explained.

“They’re here. They were showing one of the new subs around. She wanted to play in one of the bondage rooms. They shouldn’t be much longer,” Colt explained easily. My heart lurched, missing a beat, or maybe a few, as pain hit me like a punch to the chest. Mason, Jack, and I hadn’t talked about anything being exclusive. Hell, we weren’t even in a relationship, but since we started playing I hadn’t seen either of them play or run a scene with any one other than me, and after two years, I had just assumed it was unspoken that we played together or not at all. I’d been such an idiot! Of course they played with other subs when I wasn’t around. They were red blooded men, and I hadn’t even had sex with them in any of the times we played. Of course they looked else where for what they wanted and needed. It made sense. But that didn’t make it hurt any less.

“It’s fine,” I said, my voice coming out a little croaky. “I’ll catch them another time. I’m feeling pretty beat anyway. I might head back home,” I told my brother, trying hard not to meet Nina’s eyes as she watched me with pity. I had never told her how I felt about Jack and Mason, but she’d seen us together enough to know I felt something for the both of them.

“You sure? I need to sort a few things in my office, but I can give you a ride in about an hour if you can wait?” Colt offered.

“No. I’ll just grab a cab. I’m tired and I have to get up early in the morning to meet Gina for yoga. I’ll be fine,” I assured him. There was no way I was waiting around to see Jack and Mason strutting around with another sub trailing them, or worse, tucked between them the way they did with me after we played. No thank you!

“Fine, but stay out front with security and have them flag a cab for you. I’ll be home a little later, okay?” Colt requested and I forced a smile as I nodded.

“I’ll see you later,” I told him as I reached up to place a kiss on his cheek.

I didn’t even pause to put on my coat as I walked through the club, trying to appear calm when all I wanted to do was run and maybe cry.

At the entrance I pulled on my coat, relieved JP wasn’t at the desk. I didn’t have the energy to play nice right then. I stepped outside and looked to the big guy out front to tell him to get me a cab, but then I heard Jack’s voice, his London accent easy to pick out.

“Just take a seat here for me, darlin’ and I’ll go and get your bag. We’ll get you home safe,” Jack was saying.

“You did so well, honey. You were…” I didn’t even pause to hear what else Mason was going to say in that deep baritone voice that set me alight. I didn’t want to hear him using it on another woman. I didn’t want to listen to him tell her how amazing she was, or asking her when they could play again.

I charged down the block, not even hearing what the security guy was calling after me. As soon as I was out of sight of the club I broke into a running walk, my heels stopping me from fleeing as fast as I wanted and needed to. I just had to get as far from the club as I could.

I turned the corner and headed down the quieter street. I could see the lights of cars passing further ahead, so I aimed for them, praying I could hail a cab quickly from there. My feet were killing me and the need to cry was overpowering my will to keep my shittogether. I wasn’t a crier. I was good at burying my feelings and hiding any evidence of them with a mask few saw through. But right then I was hurting and the pain wanted an outlet.

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