Page 47 of Safe Haven

It’s the first thing Audrey’s said since we left Becca’s house twenty minutes ago, and while I hate what she’s thinking, I’m not surprised. I knew something was wrong—that her mind was spiraling—but I wanted to give Audrey a little time to come to terms with everything we just learned before I started trying to do damage control. Fixing her fractured thinking will be a hell of a lot easier to accomplish if I know where the cracks are.

“Why do you think Becca would want to punch you in the face?” I have my own guesses, but I want to know Audrey’s reasons. I want to hear how she perceived the conversation.

“Because I didn’t try harder to take Trevor down. Because I knew what he was doing and sat on it for months. And if I hadn’t, her sister might not be where she is now.” Audrey’s voice wobbles. “For being such a fucking coward while she’s being so damn brave.”

None of what she says shocks me. I know Audrey’s struggling. She’s hard on herself and tries to carry the weight ofresponsibilities that aren’t hers. I don’t want to upset her, but there are some things she needs to consider and some things she needs to understand.

“Becca hadn’t been abused by Trevor for years. She also doesn’t have him holding her financial and physical well-being over her head.” I grip the steering wheel, trying hard not to show how angry I am at the situation. It won’t help, and might make things worse. “You can’t compare what Becca has done to what you’ve done because you are in two totally different places.”

“I don’t think she sees it that way.” Audrey slumps down in her seat. “She acted like she hates me, and I don’t blame her.”

I could tell Becca’s personality made Audrey a little nervous. I get it. She’s very straightforward and to the point. She doesn’t sugarcoat things or pull punches. My siblings are a lot like her. They keep their feelings close. Every word that comes out of their mouths is thought through before they set it free. It makes them tricky to read and their serious natures can come off as cold and uncaring.

I don’t think that means Becca doesn’t like Audrey. But if that is true, it means I have to reevaluate my own thoughts about how my siblings feel about me, and I’m not sure where to even start with that.

“My family is a lot like Becca.” I start to explain, hoping it will help Audrey understand things might not be what she thinks, because they also might not be what I thought. “They’re serious and quiet. Reserved. Most of what they say comes out dry and almost abrasive.”

Audrey’s head swivels my way, her brows pinched together. “No wonder they don’t get you.”

I shrug. “It probably doesn’t help that I kill people for a living, but yeah, our personalities are pretty different.” I pull off the highway, heading for the hotel. “That’s just how they are. Honestly, there’s not a mean bone in their body. They’re all good people. But it’s easy to mistake their way of moving in the world as judgment and dislike.” I would know. I did it up until this very moment.

Because my family might not understand me, but maybe I don’t fucking understand them either.

Audrey gives me a small, hopeful smile. “So you don’t think Becca wants to punch me in the face?”

I pull in a deep breath, the air moving easily into my lungs thanks to the weight that just came off my shoulders. “No. I don’t think she wants to punch you in the face.” My next breath releases on a sigh. “But I do think maybe I owe my family a couple apologies.”

And probably a few confessions since they don’t have a clue I was shot nine months ago.

Audrey reaches across the console to take my hand in hers, giving it a squeeze the way I do when she’s the one feeling overwhelmed or afraid.

My first instinct is to pull away. It’s one thing for me to comfort her. It’s very different for her to be the one initiating contact and trying to reassure me.

I’ve always been different. My personality probably confuses the fuck out of a lot of people, not just my family. Hell, it confuses the fuck out of me sometimes. I’m laid-back. Easy-going. Sometimes goofy and occasionally hilarious. I like making people laugh. Brightening their day.

I also enjoy killing people who don’t deserve to have their day brightened. I can move a body and end a life without blinking or feeling bad about it.

When I get close to someone—which doesn’t happen often—my contradictory personality means there’s literally no limit to the things I will do for them. I’ll bend over backwards to make them happy. Put their needs before my own. Beg, borrow, and steal to get them what they want.

And I’ll kill to keep them safe.

As a result, I’m not close to very many people. It’s not easy to allow it when very few people would have my back the way I have theirs.

It’s terrifying, actually.

Maybe that’s why it was easy for me to feel close to my teammates. They would kill for me the same way I would kill for them. Can they be assholes? Sure, but so can I.

When it comes to women, things get even more complicated. There aren’t many who are capable of offering what I can. If I was good at casual situationships or temporary flings, it wouldn’t really be an issue. But on top of being willing to kill for the people I care about, my dick also doesn’t get hard until I know someone. Develop a level of trust and an emotional connection.

Like I have with Audrey.

I should be thrilled about it. Over the moon I’ve finally managed to click with someone. These past nine months—seeing Savannah and Zeke and what they have—I thought I couldn’t wait to find someone who would fit into my life.

Turns out it fucking terrifies me.

“Are you okay?” Audrey’s question is gentle, just like she is.

And because I can’t bear to see her unhappy, I force on a smile. “I’m good. Just trying to go over everything in my mind before we talk to Pierce and Intel.”

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