Page 36 of Finn

“Mom, relax. We aren’t staying long. I just thought you’d like to meet the woman I’m falling in love with,” I say.

Mia reaches for my hand and squeezes it tightly. I look down at her, and she smiles.

“No Finn. She’s bad. Get her away from me!” my mom shouts.

I stand in front of my mom and pin her with my hard eyes. “You can say whatever you want about me, but don’t you fucking talk about Mia. She’s pure and innocent. She didn’t grow up hoping she’d survive the next day. She was taught love and understanding.”

“You act like your life was so bad, but look at you now,” she says, scraping the razor on the table, hoping to gather a line.

“My life wasn’t bad. It was fucking horrific,” I whisper, grabbing the straw from her hand and throwing it.

“Finn, don’t touch that. It’s for grown-ups,” she says, shaking her head.

I look back at Mia, and her eyes are bouncing between us. “Is she normally this confused?”

“This is a good day. It’s usually worse,” I say, squeezing the back of my neck.

“Finn, why haven’t you visited?” she says, laying her head on the table.

“Because this place is worse than a nightmare, but it was my reality. I wanted Mia to meet you, and we did that, so we’re leaving, and odds are you won’t see us again,” I say, turning my back on her.

Mia rests her hand on my arm and steps around me. I try to stop her, but she squats down in front of my mom. “I’ll be back to visit sometime if that’s alright with you?”

My mom can hardly keep her eyes open, and I shake my head. “You’ll give me a fix too?”

“Fucking Christ, Mom. Mia, let’s go,” I yell.

She stands up and looks between us. “Finn has your eyes,” she whispers.

“He’s gonna fly,” my mom slurs.

I push open the door and rush Mia out the door. Once outside, I bend at the waist and try to slow down my breathing. Being in there makes me feel like a fucking ten-year-old, and I won’t do it again. I will not allow myself to get sucked back down that rabbit hole.

“Finn, take a deep breath,” Mia says, rubbing my back.

Refusing to look weak, I stand up straight and search her eyes. “There are a lot of different kinds of addicts. My mom is the worst of them. Some get help and have a wonderful life. You get that, right?”

“Of course, Finn. I’m not judging you or your mom,” she says.

She might not be, but I am. I was feeling like a weak kid and embarrassed that my mom couldn’t even remember a conversation that just took place.

I light a cigarette and take a long drag, trying to relax the tsunami raging inside of me. This is what happens when I’m here. The rage surfaces, and I want to destroy it all.

I glance at Mia, and I remember once again why we’re here, to begin with. I take another drag of my smoke and nod. “I know you aren’t judging, Mia. You were unbelievably nice, considering the way she was.”

She shrugs and steps toward me. “She’s your mom. I know she wasn’t a good one, but she still gave birth to you, and I’m fucking grateful for that.”

I smirk and pull her to me, wrapping my arms around her. “I guess you have a point there.”

“Thank you for bringing me here, Finn. I know it was hard for you, but I appreciate it,” she says.

Yeah, let’s see how you feel about that after you realize the reason I brought you.

I kiss the top of her head and pull away. “I let you into the darkest part of my life. I trust you and respect you enough to do that.” She’s smiling, and I clear my throat, searching her eyes. “I need you to do something now.” Confusion crosses her face, but she nods. “I need you to sit down and talk to Porter. He has some things to talk to you about, and you need to hear them.”

She pulls away from me, wide-eyed and angry. “You used your shitty past to guilt me into talking to Porter?” she shouts.

I remain calm, shaking my head. “No, I used my shitty past to show you things can be a hell of a lot worse. I’m proving a fucking point here, Mia. A point that you’ll understand once you talk to Porter.”

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