Page 25 of Finn

She grabs our plates off the small table I have in the kitchen and brings them to the sink. After keeping her back to me for a few minutes, she turns around and leans against the counter. Her arms are crossed, and her plump lips are in a straight line.

Maybe she said more I didn’t pay attention to.

Christ.

“Finn, I just found out my entire life has been a lie. I have endless questions and no answers to anything. The only thing that makes this half bearable is you. And yet, I am trying to talk to you, and I’m greeted with blank stares and no replies. I know you have shit on your mind, but fuck, so do I. I have the weight of my existence on my shoulders, but I’m still trying here. I’ve got no one.”

I quickly move to her and pull her into my arms. “You’ve got me, baby. I’m sorry. You have my full attention. No more getting lost in my thoughts,” I say, tightening my hold.

Her arms are snaked around my lower back, and her head is tucked under my chin. “Prove I have you, Finn. You know my situation. Please tell me yours.”

I close my eyes and nod my head. It’s time to let her completely in. “Okay, baby.”

She lifts her head, shock clear on her face. “Really?”

I chuckle and press a soft kiss to her inviting lips. “What do you wanna know?”

We move to the couch, and she turns to look at me. I shouldn’t feel like she’s going to judge me, but I already can feel myself getting defensive, and she hasn’t said a word.

The club knows my mom lives in the trailer park, and they know that I used to watch Axel, but that’s it. They have no idea how bad it really was. No one does. Not even my mom. She doesn’t remember yesterday, never mind years ago.

“Are your parents alive?” she asks.

I grab the back of my neck and turn my head to look at her. Her blue eyes are full of questions, and I nod. “My mom is. No idea who or where my father is.”

“You never met your father?” she asks.

“Nope.”

“Have you ever tried to find him?”

“Nope.”

“Do you know his name?”

“Nope.”

She groans and throws her hands up. “Is that how you’re going to answer my questions? Because it’s annoying as hell.”

I shake my head as I cross my arms. “You’re asking me questions I don’t have the answers to, Mia. I don’t know my father. Never met him. I don’t know his name, and neither does my mom. She never got it, I guess, or didn’t care to remember it. I can’t answer these questions because I don’t fucking know.”

Mia moves closer to me and rests her hand on my leg. “Shit, okay, I’m sorry. So, tell me about your mom. Does she live around here? Are you close?”

I clear my throat and decide it’s probably best just to get it all out there. I don’t really want to do question-by-question until she understands.

My eyes connect with hers, and I shrug. “My mom lives in a trailer park not far from here. It’s where I grew up. She’s a drug addict. She cared very little, if at all, about me. If it weren’t for me, she probably would have overdosed or been beaten to death by now. I didn’t have a good life, Mia. I wasn’t loved or cared for. I was beaten by her boyfriends or drug dealers. I was stealing to keep us both alive. I was protecting her from the violence her addiction brought to our door.” I see the emotion in her eyes, so I look away. “I joined Shattered Souls because the only male figure I ever had was merely a glimpse of one. He was a Shattered Souls member. Every time I heard that bike, I would stop whatever I was doing just to look at him. He looked serious and protective. He took justice into his own hands, and it fascinated me. I knew when I was old enough, I would go looking for him, only I had no idea at the time what it all truly meant. When I found the club, I was so excited to be a part of the one piece of my childhood that didn’t make me tense.” I turn to look back at her as she wipes away a tear. “I wasn’t taught how to love. I didn’t witness relationships. My instincts are to survive and protect. That’s what makes me so good with the club. I just don’t know how to make it work in a relationship. I’m trying to figure it out. Trying to remember that love is real, I’ve seen it in the club, but it’s hard when you’ve never felt it yourself. No one’s ever loved me, and I’ve never loved anyone.”

Mia wipes away her tears, and I grin, resting my hand against her cheek. She wraps her hand around mine and presses her cheek harder against my hand. “Your past doesn’t determine your future, Finn. Also, you love your mom. That’s why you felt the need to protect, to keep you both safe. You did it for her. You may not have been loved, but you know how to love.”

I don’t know about all that. Maybe she’s right, but I did what I needed to do. Maybe that’s what you do when you love someone, or maybe that’s what you do when you just simply want to open your eyes the next day.

“No, I know that your past doesn’t determine your future. But it sure as hell fucks with your present,” I admit, ignoring the part about loving my mom.

She leans forward and presses her soft lips to mine. She pulls back too quickly and searches my eyes. I have no idea what she’s looking for or what she thinks she’ll find. Her eyes are soft and empathic, and I hate it. This is why I keep my past to myself. I don’t want or need anyone’s sympathy.

“Finn?”

“What baby?”

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