Page 83 of The River of Hatred

They tried. My boys. Ithuriel held me that first night, here in my old quarters in Abaddon. Sariel vowed to track down the demons and end them in any painful way I wished it to happen. But then I said I wanted to be alone and they’ll always give me what I want, my angels.

For four years it was just us; Lana, Kevin, Ethan, Liam, and me. Simone’s loss hurt, but now that I know she’s alive and reasonably well, I don’t remember those feelings anymore. Ethan’s not going to magically come back to life. I feel like I should be crying, but my well has run dry.

Daniel sighs and pats my hand. A small part of my awareness processes how he motions for Maalik to leave, how the dark-skinned Fallen clicks his tongue in disappointment. Well, life is disappointing.

The door clicks shut behind them and I hear murmured voices in the hallway.

“No, fuck that.” Footsteps. “Poppet, I’m coming in.”

Without waiting for an answer, Sariel confidently walks inside like he owns the place. It thins the cotton around my psyche somewhat. Behind him, Itha stands at the open doorway, peeking inside with furrowed brows. I hate seeing him so worried. I hate that they’re seeing me like this. Irritation penetrates my shield of numbness.

“Why can’t you just let me be miserable in peace?” I burst out.

Sariel gives me a stern look with his black-hole eyes. “You’ve had three days. You didn’t even go to the funeral.”

I scoff, hitting the bedspread with a fist. “I was there when he died, I saw the light go out of his eyes. There’s no bigger goodbye than that,” I say bitterly.

The Fallen sits on the chair next to my bed, the one Daniel just vacated. “I was there when Armaros died,” he begins. “He was more than just a friend and he died in my arms,” he corrects himself with a choked voice. “But, trust me, love, not saying goodbye properly… it leads to months of self-destructive bullshit.”

Something twists in my stomach at his words. They just make me unreasonably angry. “So, what?” I ask with derision. “Because I wasn’t fucking Ethan, I don’t get the same latitude you did to mourn the way I want to?”

Sariel grins, though it doesn’t reach his eyes. “Feel free to be a grade-A bitch to me, darling. I’m not going anywhere. And neither is dove-feathers over there.” He tilts his chin at the angel still standing by the door. When my eyes meet his, Itha takes a cautious step forward.

My shoulders slump. I am being a bitch. “I’m sorry,” I murmur, my eyes glued to my blankets. “I’m not good company right now.”

Sariel slaps his thighs and stands up, making me flinch. “Whelp. It’s a good thing two’s a company and three’s a crowd. You’re a great crowd.”

With that nonsense, he pushes me closer to the center of the bed and gets in next to me. I’m still reeling from his presence when the bed dips at the foot and Itha crawls in to settle at my other side.

“What are you doing?” I whisper, my eyes welling up with fresh tears. All my numbness is gone now and I want it back.

“Being with you,” Itha whispers back, the first thing he says since entering the room.

My breaths gradually turn harsher until they’re sawing in and out of my laboring chest. Just when I don’t think I can handle the pain anymore, the first sob breaks through and Sariel pulls my head onto his chest. I feel Ithuriel’s lips on the back of my head, his arms reaching over until I’m cocooned between them, letting the poison out.

Chapter 40 – Sariel

For fifteen hours Itha and I watch Jessica sleep and look at each other in the dark. She woke up from a nightmare once, cried herself back to sleep in our arms. Her sleep is shallow right now. She needed to use the bathroom not long ago and we helped her clean herself up, brush her teeth. I wish I had them with me when I lost Armaros. But if I did, would I have been able to appreciate them like I do now?

Itha’s reaches a hand over Jessica to cup my cheek. “What has you so pensive, my love?”

A full-body shudder goes through me at hearing him call me that, my heart singing. At the same time, my cock fills up with blood so fast that, were I human, I’d surely be dizzy.

What did he ask again? Oh, right.

“I was wishing I had you guys in my life last year… earlier than that, too,” I admit. Things tend to slide off the tongue easier in the dark.

Itha caresses my face, his light eyes gentle through the shadows. “We’re with you now and we always will be,” he says softly.

I shake my head and sigh. “You see how easily people are taken from this life.”

Itha rises up on one elbow, his hand sliding down to my chest. “We have each other and so many that care.”

“Yeah,” Jess says with a yawn. “You’re stuck with us, hotstuff.”

I flick her nose and smile at the return of her humor. “Are you spying on us, pretending to sleep again?”

Her plump lips stretch into a smile and, despite her eyes still being a bit red and puffy, I’m overcome by the urge to do bad things to that mouth. I never was very good at impulse control, so I lean down and kiss her, conquering her with my tongue. A small moan catches in her throat and she lifts her hands to twine them around my neck. I feel Itha’s hand tease my nipples over my shirt, likely unintentionally, and my dick leaks the first drops of precum into my pants.

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