Page 82 of Promises We Meant to Keep

The clearing throat startled Kamryn, and she pulled away quickly. The waitress stood next to them, Kamryn’s drink in her hand and a soft drink in the other for Elia.

“Uh…thanks,” Kamryn said, taking the drinks. “Sorry.”

“Don’t apologize for love, honey.”

Kamryn frowned as she walked away. This wasn’t love. It was far too complicated to be love. It was too hard to be anything other than lustful passion and a simple liking for each other. Besides, she was still in love with Lauren—wasn’t she? She’d never not have feelings for Lauren. Handing Elia her drink, Kamryn sipped hers slowly. The alcohol filled her mouth, stung her lips and then burned her throat as she swallowed.

“Kam.” Lauren walked over to stand next to them, eyeing Kamryn before she moved to look at Elia. “I’m still surprised that you two of all people ended up together.”

“No one’s more surprised than us, I think,” Kamryn responded, trying to keep her tone light. But hadn’t she just been thinking that and trying to figure it all out? Why was she so unsure now when she’d been so confident before?

Because Elia wasn’t wrong.

Kamryn liked to fix broken situations and broken people.

That’s what irked her. That comment, and the accusation that Elia had made with it. But had that really been what she was trying to do?

“I’m not sure about that.” Lauren tossed back the rest of her drink. “I’m breaking up with Rosie.”

“Oh?” Kamryn raised an eyebrow, her entire body tilting toward Lauren out of habit. Here it was, wasn’t it? The breakup that would inevitably push them back together. At least it always had in the past.

“Not tonight, though.” Lauren dropped her voice so Kamryn had to lean in to hear her. “Maybe after the wedding.”

Elia’s lips thinned to a line as she watched the move, and immediately, Kamryn moved back. What was wrong with her? She stared down into the amber liquid in her hand and tossed it back. She needed another one. Kamryn walked away from Elia and Lauren, needing space. Her head was clouded. Her feelings were so mixed together that it was getting harder and harder to think.

“What did she say?” Elia asked, anger lacing her tone.

Startled, Kamryn looked over her shoulder, finding Elia right behind her.

“She’s breaking up with Rosie. Can I have a double shot of whiskey?” Kamryn directed the question to the bartender. She leaned back down off her toes and looked Elia over. “I suppose she wants me to jump back into a relationship with her.”

“And will you?”

Normally Elia would have touched her. By now Kamryn knew that. She would have slid her fingers gently, she would have touched Kamryn’s back, but she didn’t this time. Kamryn was giving off mixed signals galore tonight, and she seriously needed to stop it.

“Why can’t love be easy?” Kamryn winced as the question left her lips because she wasn’t talking about Lauren. She was talking about Elia, but she knew that wasn’t how Elia was going to take it. Elia was probably the least selfish person she’d met, and yet Kamryn couldn’t stop fucking things up when it came to her relationships.

“Loveiseasy,” Elia answered. “Being in relationships with actual people who are broken and traumatized and come with history is hard. The practical side of love is hard. But actually loving someone? That’s just emotion.”

Kamryn froze. She once again lost herself in those beautiful, stunning blue eyes, in the hard lines of Elia’s aging features. “You might be right.”

“I know I’m right.” Elia straightened her shoulders and nodded toward the bar top. “Your drink’s ready.”

“Oh.” Kamryn stared at it, not sure if she wanted it now. What was going on with her? She was all over the map. Taking the glass between her fingers, she spun it in two full circles before she threw it back and swallowed it. “I can’t go back to Lauren. Nothing’s going to change unless I make it change.”

“You mean your relationship with her?”

“What relationship?” Kamryn muttered. “It’s been the same for so long, and I don’t want to be that person anymore.”I want to be who I am when I’m with you.But Kamryn didn’t say the last part out loud. She probably should have, but the buzz from the shots hit her swiftly.

“Then don’t go back to her.” Elia reached up and touched Kamryn’s arm, wrapping her fingers around her bicep and squeezing. “Don’t go back to her just because you feel obligated.”

What was Kamryn supposed to say to that? Why did she always seem to say the right things when Kamryn didn’t want to hear them? “Then what should I do?”

“What do you want to do?” Elia dropped her hand and the connection between them.

I want to be with you.But Kamryn wasn’t sure she could say that out loud either. What did she really want? She wanted love without complications. She wanted to find herself in someone else. She wanted that fairytale that she’d never had. She wanted the promises she’d been told as a kid, all those promises about what love and life would look like that she knew now would never come true.

Kamryn eyed Elia carefully, from the curled ends of her hair with just a dusting of gray in them that no one would notice unless they were looking, to the way the corners of her eyes crinkled when she smiled—which she so rarely did. The lines of her lips, which she outlined carefully each day with a pencil before slathering on lipstick. The small freckles that littered her upper chest, probably from too much sun when she was younger.

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