“Mal…”
“What?” I ask, sensing the reason “we need to talk” is coming. I cover my eyes with my hand and do the best I can to prepare myself.
“Why don’t you want to come over?” he asks.
“I just a need a minute, okay?”
He makes a noise like whether it’s okay or not is debatable. “You haven’t told me what happened with Kaylin.”
“We broke up.”
“Really?” He sounds doubtful.
I frown, genuinely confused. “Yes, really. Why are you asking it like that?”
He sighs heavily. “Listen…when I was over there picking up your badge, I found the engagement ring.”
I sit up, arm stiff against the cushion and eyes wide open. “What?”
“Yeah, so…I don’t know what that was about, but if there’s something you wanna tell me…”
“I got that last year,” I say immediately. “I never proposed. Obviously.”
“Why?” he asks darkly.
“Because, I… I wasn’t sure. Like I didn’t know if I was just doing it to go with the flow or because I really wanted to marry her, so I figured I’d wait until I knew for sure.”
“And?”
Is he serious?“Well, it’s not on her finger, is it?”
“It freaked me out,” he says.
“Why didn’t you say something?” I ask. As I recall, he came home that night and fucked me into the mattress with his clothes on. Thiscertainlynever came up.
“You told me to trust you,” he says.
I don’t have anything to say to that, so I go quiet. So does he.It gets darker in the living room. I never bothered to turn on the lights when I got home.
Eventually he says, “So you’re not avoiding me because you’re engaged to Kaylin.”
“I’m not…avoiding you.” My hesitation doesn’t exactly sell the lie, but it’s the best I can do.
“And you didn’t quit the internship to avoid me?”
I wouldn’t call what I’m doing right nowavoiding Ryan,but again, semantics.
“You looked really good with that woman today,” I say. “Norah.”
“Mal…”
“Seeing you together was actually the first time I ever believed you were serious when you told me you were straight.”
“Didn’t we just talk about this?” he asks.
I can’t really remember what we talked about or when and where. I mostly remember how I felt around him. Good or bad. Elated or twisted with jealousy. Having him or missing him. But I’m fairly sure we haven’t directly addressed the issue that was so in my face today at Big Bites. “About whether you’d rather be with a woman than with me? No, we really haven’t.”
He dodges the question in that way he often does when he still has points he wants to make. “I talked about you with her today, you know? Specifically about how you bore easily.”