Page 14 of Finance Bros

“Yeah, all right. It’s not the worst idea. If I can pass microeconomics, I’m sure I can figure out how to play blackjack and not lose my shirt.”

“I’ll help, I just have to pee first.”

I leave her to it and go to the living room. If she’s staying, I should order dinner. Having sex took the edge off my restlessness, but it’s still there. I pace behind the couch while I scroll for food delivery. Kaylin reappears, sitting on the couch and pulling up YouTube on the flat screen. “Thai,” she tells me, and I focus my search. I put in her order for soup and fried rice then drunken noodles for me.

“Five of the other interns are pooling their money and teaming up,” I inform her.

“They can do that?”

I shrug. “The only rule was no rules.”

“So, are you gonna get with the other two?”

“The other two are Ryan and this woman Bailey who I’m pretty sure wants me to burn slowly in hell for having a Y chromosome.”

“Mal, Jesus.”

“What? Is that homophobic, too?”

“It’s a lot of things, babe. Judgmental being the main one. You only met her a few days ago.”

“Sorry,” I huff, sitting next to her.

“I’m assuming you don’t want to work with anyone else on this.”

“You know how I get.”

“Competitive?”

“Teamwork brings out the worst in me,” I say.

“No.Losingbrings out the worst in you. You’re not really setting yourself up for success here. I know you want to work at that place.”

I do want to work at Marks & Baker. I worked hard for this internship, and I love San Francisco. I want to have a life here, and I can’t do that earning the industry minimum at a bank branch. So yes, I want to win, and no, I’m not ruling anything out, but being on a team of six? How am I supposed to stand out that way? And regardless of whether Kaylin thinks I’m being too judgmental of Bailey—I’mthe one on the receiving end of her fuck off vibes every day—I know she’s going this alone no matter what. Ryan’s just—I shake my head as a full body shudder rattles through me.

“You’re not ruling it out,” Kaylin notes.

“I…” I feel like I’m missing something. It’s a frustrating feeling, and it makes me restless. But I also feel something else—something I haven’t let myself feel in a long time—and it’s making me equally restless and impatient—like all the answers are right there, waiting for me to stumble on them, and then I’ll be settled. Then I’ll know what to do. Then I’ll be still.

“Wait—do you think youcouldwork with Ryan on this?”

I shake my head, the stone in my stomach asserting itself heavily.

She goes on. “I mean, I knowhewouldn’t want to, but you thinkyoucould? Babe…”

“I didn’t say that.”

“Mal. Do you feel bad?”

“No,” I say firmly.

“Are you sure?” she presses, forcing me to actually consider the question.Do I feel bad?

I guess seeing how Ryan turned out after everything—all my rejection and hateful bullying—is sort of a relief. Like I said, the last time I saw him, he looked like a burned out stoner—a loser. To know he got his MBA and is all cleaned up—or looks cleaned up anyway—reminds me we all grow up eventually. The beef I’ve got with him is legit, but if there’s a chance he and I both get jobs at Marks & Baker, do I really want to spend the rest of my career avoiding someone I lost the ability to get along with over something that happened when we were kids?

“He looks different,” I say, annoyed that those are the words I choose. I have no business thinking about what Ryanlooks like.

“Yeah?”

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