Page 36 of Finance Bros

“He’s a tuxedo cat.”

She literally squeals and claps her hands. “Yes! Oh my god, this is perfect. You’re like total opposites, and the whole cat and dog thing is fucking gold. But you,” she says to me. “You need to be dark. Can you do that thing with your eyes—like make them look kind of evil?”

“What?”

“Like…” She attempts to demonstrate, taking her eyes from normal resting to intense glare. “Smolder.”

“I’ll work on it.”

“This total objectification doesn’t bother you at all?” Mal asks me.

The conversation I had with Norah about making money comes back to me. This isn’t the same thing. “It’s not porn.”

“I’ll set up the accounts,” Bailey says, phone already in hand. “Send me the licking one.”

While Malcolm does that, I open my texts to find Calyx’s list of handles. “Call him at justthetipfinancebro.”

“No way,” Malcolm says.

I sigh pointedly. “Are you gonna disagree with me about everything?”

“I should at least get to pick my own handle.”

“What were you thinking then?” I ask.

“Mal’s hot tips?”

I scoff. “That’s gonna look like Mal shot tips. No. And it has to sound like money.”

“Let’s compromise on the fact that you both came up with the word tips in the handles and use Ryan’s. It’s objectively better. What’s yours gonna be?” Bailey asks me.

“At billiondollarblackcat.”

“Love it. Suits you.”

Malcolm is glaring at me. Again. “What?” I snap.

“That’s gotta be too many letters.”

“The character limit is twenty four. Mine’s twenty-one. Yours is twenty. We’re fine.”

“Do you need help writing responses, Ryan?” Bailey asks.

“I’ll send them like I sent the last ones so you can do your thing with them.”

“What else can I do?” she asks, sitting at attention, ready to be put to work.

“You know how to make a video go viral?” Malcolm asks.

Bailey reaches out her hand for my phone. “Show me your hashtags. I made a list, too.”

I pass it over to her and she hums and nods as she reads. “Who’s your friend?”

“Gym buddy of mine. He’s a model, so he’s always posting.”

“What’s his handle?” she asks.

Do I want to tell her that?

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