Page 173 of Finance Bros

RYAN

We’ve made it to the last week of the internship with only two drop-outs—Malcolm and Jia, who left almost the instant she heard Malcolm did. She and I text, which is how I know she already has a new job up the street—a real job, not an internship—with a wealth management firm. It’s only been three weeks since she left, but she’s happier already and glad to be away from all the office drama.

I’m not sure how they did it, but Nathan, Lisette and Piper managed to stick together as a team to finish the challenge. Debrief started early today so that we could present our results. Bailey is foaming at the mouth to go first.

Georgie calls on her to step up and present.

It’s clear from the pinched look on Piper’s face that she knows we came out on top, but if she’s annoyed now, she’ll be super irritated when she finds out by how much.

Bailey’s prepared a power point. The first slide is titledFinance Bros: A Scaleable Social Media Venture.It’s not what I would have called it, but she insisted on putting the presentation together herself.

Miguel and I stand behind and to the left of her while she begins her prepared remarks.

“Let’s face it—these days—the best way to make a quick buck is either to try your luck in Vegas or go viral. One might cost you your shirt, but the other—well, there’s no risk, but the reward can be high.” She looks pointedly at Piper. “Very, very high. Even negative attention is attention, and that’s the goal—to get people to fork over their most valuable commodity—attention.”

I shove my hands in my pockets and try not to blush as she goes on about all the market research she did on pets and thirst traps as content that often goes viral. “Our first investment was a fifty-one dollar consultation with an experienced influencer. He in turn gave us some ideas about how to leverage trending hashtags and some of TikTok’s features, like the stitch feature.”

The next slide is of Malcolm, shirtless, leaning against a wall, holding Stephanie. “The wall lean is trending. Stephanie’s cute and a total character, and Malcolm has an aesthetically pleasing upper body.”

I press my lips together so I don’t laugh. Spoken like someone who is absolutely not attracted to Malcolm.

“But what’s better than a little competition?” A slide flashes of me and Bud—it’s a screenshot with my @billiondollarblackcat handle. “Opposites attract—not just each other, but users, too. After only a few stitches, we started to notice people choosing sides. Team Just the Tip and Team Black Cat. Within a week of starting the stitches per our consultants advice, our engagement increased by two thousand percent by playing off the competing advice.”

She clicks into a slide of the Patreon.

“Our plan from the beginning was to transition to a subscription model. The platforms for crowdfunding are already out there.GoFundMe, Kickstarter, but Patreon suited our needs best and fostered community. We were able to interact directly with subscribers and determine what kind of content would keep their interest. By soliciting feedback and adding some more personal touches—” She changes the slide. “A Discord.” Another slide change. “And some behind the scenes footage enabled us to garner the level of engagement that fosters long term relationships.”

I have to admire all the keywords she’s throwing in. I couldn’t have done this presentation better.

“By the time we debuted on YouTube, we had a built-in audience.” She talks about the extended subscriber-only content and how we shifted our tone for “our” audience, tailoring the episodes to who was watching. And then she moves into numbers.

“Our first week following the launch of the Patreon yielded over three thousand subscribers—converting about a tenth of our TikTok followers. All told, we spent about two-hundred and seventy-five on equipment and consultations before we started earning. Our primary investment was time. Time to research and time to interact and make engaging content. Our income came from subscriptions, and more recently, sponsorships and advertising. All told, when we teamed up, we started with two-hundred-ninety-five dollars. As of yesterday…” She pauses dramatically.

“Our net yield for the challenge is nine-hundred seventy-six thousand dollars. And counting. Any questions?”

There’s a stunned silence, which leads me to believe the other group got nowhere close.

Nathan raises his hand.

We spend the next few minutes discussing everyone’s individual contributions and how we made decisions on how to distribute the workload. We field a few questions as to what ourmajor roadblocks were and how we felt we worked together as a team, mostly by Jonathan and Georgie.

Once we’re done, we have a seat, and Jonathan looks to Piper. “Your turn.”

What follows causes me to nearly piss my pants to keep from laughing. Piper, Nathan, and Lisette describe nearly word for word the ChatGPT vintage t-shirt scheme. It starts with flipping t-shirts, then moves into electronics purchased from the profits off the overpriced shirts. It escalates to concert ticket scalping and then follows with sales of “trending items” like smart watches andlimited edition sneakers.

Granted, it’s a lot of work, so the fact they were able to pull it off is impressive in a way. Their profit, however, is not. Twelve grand, and I’m rounding up.

Bailey asks the first question. “Where’d you come up with that idea?”

Piper glares furiously at her. “It was entirely collaborative.”

Bailey with her shit-eating grin responds with a cheerful, “Uh-huh.”

Wrapping up, Jonathan declares our team, “The clear winner,” and gives Bailey praise on an excellent presentation. She’ll get a job here for sure.

I can’t wait to text Mal, but Bailey stops me. “Let me come over and tell him with you.”

“Me, too!” Miguel pipes up.

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