Page 88 of Feathers of Ash and Hope

Knowing Axar is watching, too, I look up at her. “She is not wrong,” I admit.

“Thank you!” She sighs and waves in parting, her eyes already glazing over in a way that tells me she’s having a discussion with Axar.

Which leaves me alone with my thoughts or as alone as I can be when someone always butts in without being asked.

“I heard that,”Daeva states, and I chuckle.

Ara

We sitin the common room, but it’s already dark. This deep into winter, the days are exceptionally short, especially here, where the mountains swallow the sun as soon as it dips.

My gaze wanders over the room, but Tate isn’t here. I wonder what he’s doing.

Jared plops down next to me.

“He’s a broody bastard sometimes,” he declares out of the blue.

“Huh?” I raise my eyebrows at him.

“Tate.” I blink at him, and he laughs. “That’s who you were looking for, right?”

I deny it, but his sparkling eyes tell me he doesn’t believe me.

Does he know?How else should I take this comment? And Calix mentioned they go way back.Tate told him about me?I’m not sure how to feel about that.

While my mind flies away on that thought, Jared is thankfully roped into a discussion by Boko, another flight member. It has been going on for a while now between him and a rider of another flight about the advantages of Strix over Rukh. Jared joins in with glee since Zephyr is a Strix.

My attention is drawn to my right when I hear Tate’s name. A dark-haired beauty is getting out of her chair, smiling at her friend.

“I’ll go and see if Kyronos wants to warm my bed tonight. He sure looks like he could use a little help relaxing.” She winks at the other girl, making her laugh, and strides out of the room. Mystomach drops. The previously enticing aroma of food suddenly makes me queasy.

Jared nudges me with his shoulder, and I force a smile on my face. His brow creases, and he looks at me.

“Are you alright?” he asks.

I’ll have to work on my fake smile.

“Just tired, and my body hurts all over.”

“Yeah, the first patrol is always hard,” Jared agrees. “Maybe you should let Tate—”

“No,” I blurt. His eyebrows lift at my sudden outburst.

The last thing I want to think about right now is Tate and what he could be up to. Jared shrugs and goes back to the conversation. I try to relax and take my mind off Tate by listening to the guys, but it isn’t working.

I wait for him or the girl to appear, but neither does. The thought of them coming back together—flushed and relaxed—is too much. I get up.

“I’m not hungry,” I tell Jared and hurry out of the room before he can object. Back in my room, I stare at the wall because closing my eyes conjures images of them together.

Dammit.

I think about taking a walk, maybe to the stables. But there are enough dark corners around here.

Memories of Tate pressing me against the wall flash in my mind, the warmth of his body, the way he held my wrists captive between us. I groan.

I toss and turn, but sleep eludes me. At least I don’t have to pretend otherwise.I’m glad I don’t share rooms with anyone.

“You look like shit,” Zaza tells me the following morning. I feel like it, too. I nod off during the flight again and again, and I’m glad I’m strapped in. Otherwise, I would have fallen off at one point.

---