Page 84 of Feathers of Ash and Hope

I hear a murmured reassurance addressing Cassius, and then her soft footsteps follow me. My bedroom is on the same level and would have been closer, but instead, I usher her into the common room a few minutes later.

She speaks as soon as I close the door behind us.

“It's not—”

“What I think?” I finish Ara's sentence, cocking one eyebrow. “I don’t want to hear it.”

She opens her mouth but shuts it without saying a word when I glare at her.

“The way you behave is thoughtless, reckless, and simply disrespectful regarding your flight, your squadron, your division.” Hurt flashes over her face, but I ignore it and the twinge for hurting her.

“I get it. You don’t care about rules or how your actions impact others, but let me make one thing very clear here. When we leave tomorrow, we’ll patrol a region that is anything but hospitable. Our survival depends on us having each other’s backs. You can risk your own life all you want, but if you risk anyone else’s, that’s it. That is my breaking point.”

She nods, and I do everything to ignore the sheen in her eyes. Maybe I was a little harsh, but I’m so angry with her, so angry with myself for making it so easy for her. Perhaps she wouldn’t have done half the shit if there had been consequences from the start.

Would I have treated her differently without the attraction between us? I hope not, but I’m not sure either.

“Get some sleep. The next few days will be hard on you,” I tell her, my voice gentler now.

She nods and turns to the door, but stops again, turning back to me. She licks her lips, and my eyes follow the movement. Fuck. Even after catching her coming out of Cassius’s room in the middle of the night, I still want her. And I hate myself for it.

She swallows.

“I visited Sloan tonight.” Her voice wobbles slightly. “I needed to say goodbye in case…well, in case I don’t see her again.” Fuck. Her fighting her feelings while talking about the possibility of her death does me in. My chest constricts.

“My window got stuck, and well…Joel let me back in.” So she didn’t plan to end up in Cassius’s bed tonight? My eyebrows rise.

She clears her throat.

“What I’m trying to say here…” She bites her lip. “I just want you to know that I’m not breaking all the rules.”

“Okay?” I still have no clue where she’s going with this.

“I didn’t sleep with him,” she rushes out. “I just wanted you to know that. Not that I think you’re interested,” she hurries to add, then huffs out a breath, looking at her feet. “Gods, this is awkward.” She laughs embarrassedly. “Well, now you know, and… I’ll do my best to ignore I ever said that.”

A smile stretches my lips, and breathing becomes easier. She’s adorable all flustered like this. It reminds me of how she acted the first time I healed her.

She slips out the door before I have the chance to say anything. Her steps are so soft she doesn’t make a sound, like the night simply swallowed her.

I like this brutally honest, flustered version of her. It makes me think of the way she reacts to my touch.

I imagine her skin pebbling, her breath hitching while I trace her soft, soft skin. Her silky golden strands wrapped around my hand, her pouty lips swollen…

Fuck, now I’m turned on. I run a hand through my hair.

I have no idea how she can think I don’t want her, but holy mists, I would be clay in her hands if she ever seriously tried to seduce me.

She is not with Cassius.

I hum when I head back to my room.

Not that it changes anything. She’s still off-limits. But… I shake my head.Don’t even go there.

I remember how she faced Vega. Recall the way her eyes widen sometimes, like the words spilling out of her mouth surprised her. Her silent laughter when she stepped out of my arms yesterday.

I grin. Something about the amused and unapologetic way she faces life is … fascinating.

Ara

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