Page 141 of Feathers of Ash and Hope

Is this what dying feels like?

It takes a while before I get the idea to search my body for traces of magic. As soon as I concentrate on it, I detect it. The poison moves through my body. It’s everywhere. Minuscule orbs of magic slide through my blood while my gift is on the hunt, snapping them up one after another. It’s a slow process.

Nonetheless, it gives me hope, and I make more of an effort to hide how miserable I am. I also make sure we camp next to a stream again.

The next night, my nightmares of the lightning wielder are back. His sizzling power is cooking me alive. I writhe in pain, my skin taut and itchy with heat. The agony makes me cry out until Mariel shakes me awake. Her hand is cool on my skin.

“You’re burning up,” she says, concern audible in her voice.

“Oh, that’s probably because of the nightmare.” I brush it off.She looks at me dubiously but doesn’t push it…yet. Calix slept through it all, so at least I don’t have to argue with him, too.

I’m stillfeverish in the morning.

“You look awful,” Mariel declares.

“I didn’t sleep too well.” I shrug. I wobble a little when I get up. Mariel steadies me and scowls when she realizes my temperature is still too high.

“Spill it, now,” she snaps.

“Something might have bitten me when I came back down the cliff,” I mumble. “But I feel better already.”

“Well, you don’t look it,” she tells me. I’m still woozy and slightly sticky from sweating all night. “Let me help you wash in the stream. Maybe you’ll feel better after that.”

It’s a logical suggestion, so I don’t protest when Mariel helps me to the water, supporting my weight. Calix offers to carry me, but we both wave him off. I still haven’t told him, and helping me to undress is not the way I intend to do it.

Once I sit in the cold stream in my undergarments, Mariel returns to Calix to keep him occupied.

A Rukh drops down out of nowhere and snatches Mariel before soaring off. I jump up, startled, but her shrieks already turn into laughter.

They circle above us, and I hold my breath when Mariel is thrown into the air, but her bird catches her. He picked her. My laughter of wonder turns into a shriek when I lose my footing and tumble into the stream. I come up spluttering and cursing only to find Calix right next to me.

His eyebrows jump up in surprise at seeing me. I guess I don’t have to agonize over how to tell him the truth any longer.

“What the fuck?” he asks, his eyes big when they land on mine.

“Uh…surprise,” I say sheepishly.

“You can say that again. What the fuck, Gray?” he says, and I see the hurt starting to seep in.

“I told you my brothers didn’t know I was here, and well, I thought I would draw less attention if I pretended to be one of the guys, and then I simply didn’t know how to tell you, and…are you very mad?” I rush all of this out in one long breath, desperate to make Calix see that I never intended to lie to him. I try to walk over to him but stumble again. This time, Calix plucks me out of the water and sets me down on solid ground next to the river.

“I need a minute,” he tells me. “You are fine here by yourself, right?” he asks, and when I nod, he walks away.

My teeth chatter a bit while I hop up and down on one leg in an attempt to get a little drier and warm before I slip backinto my uniform. After days of wearing it, it feels even more disgusting on my clean skin than before.

Would it have been so bad to let us take a pack with spare clothing?

In the time of my confession and my hopping, Mariel’s Rukh twirled through something that looks a little like a dance. It’s a female, easily recognizable from the lighter coloring, and her movements are mesmerizing. I can’t help but look up again and again. My breath catches a few times when Mariel slides, but she always manages to hold on.

The pattern becomes smoother and more relaxed until the Rukh circles down, landing softly close to where I’m waiting next to Calix, once again fully dressed.

Mariel’s smile reaches from one ear to the other, her whole body radiating happiness. She jumps down and rushes to us first, hugging me, then Calix, laughing and crying and babbling all at once.

“I’m so happy for you!” I tell her.

“You have no idea how incredible this feels,” she gushes. “Suddenly, I’m so much more, and the thoughts and images and all the impressions and…

“I know,” she suddenly cries out, turning to the Rukh, clearly not talking to us anymore. She rushes over to her, cooing at and cuddling her bird. It takes a moment before she turns back to us, but she still seems distracted.

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