Page 119 of Feathers of Ash and Hope

“Then I die.” She shrugs like it’s even a fucking option.

“Are you fucking kidding me?” Anger swirls up fast and vicious. “You want me to stand by and let you die?” I shake my head at her.The thought alone rips me apart.

What kind of person does she take me for to ask something like that?

Louis bleeds out right in front of me while they hold me down. I do everything they ask, promise them fucking everything and more, and still…A knife slits Leo’s throat and his father’s while I thrash against my capturers. Maybe if I had said something different…if I hadn’t given in…or had given in faster…

“You think I could watch you die without lifting a finger?” I roar. “I’m not a fucking monster!”

“You’ll die too,” she yells. “It’s not you who is the fucking monster here.” Her breath hitches. She squeezes her eyes shut and clasps a hand over her mouth. Tears roll down her cheeks, and she dashes them away angrily.

“I don’t…I can’t…I’d rather die than be the cause of your death,” she whispers and bites her lip, visibly fighting for control. I can’t stand it.

I pull her into my arms. Harsh sobs shake her body like she will break apart at any moment, and I tighten my hold.

“Shhh, sunshine, you’re killing me here.” I rest my cheek against her hair.

Fuck, I would promise her nearly anything.

I continue holding her even after she has gone quiet.

“You probably noticed the scars,” Ara says, and I perk up. “I was never healed, and being a wild child, I had a lot of wounds and a few broken bones,” she rushes out in one breath, gulping in another. “My family always said it was to teach me to be more careful.”

My body goes rigid at that.

I’m going to fucking kill them.

“No, no, that came out wrong,” she says. “My mother is a healer, and it pained her to never be able to do anything for me.”

“What?”

“Um…” Ara clears her throat. “Let me start from the beginning. When I was three years old, I ran out after my brothers—like I said, I have four of them—and while Luc and Ben played in the gardens, I went after Dar and Ian. No one noticed right away.” She starts kneading her hands. “They are a bit older and were competing with each other at the obstacle course used to train the recruits.” She laughs nervously. “Not the best place for a three-year-old.”

At least that explains why she’s so fucking good on an obstacle course.

“My brothers found me unresponsive at the foot of the course, and they panicked. Dar scooped me up, and they ran to our mother. She set some broken bones, then started pouring her healing magic into me, but my wounds weren’t healing, and maybe she panicked too. Either way, she wasn’t monitoring her energy levels.

“By the time my father arrived, my mom was too weak to stop. He pulled her away and carried her out of the room to sever the connection. Otherwise, I would have killed her. No one ever healed me—until you.” She looks at me, her eyes vulnerable and pleading.

It doesn’t make sense. Why would a grown healer not be able…unless—no, that is ridiculous.

My mind races. There has to be another explanation.

She called herself a monster.And that is what cursed ones are, but…could I have been so wrong about her?

I let her go and take a step back. Pain flashes over her face before she looks away. She walks over to the cliff—the growing distance between us more than just physical. Panic surges through me at seeing her walking away from me.

“I’m not going to harm you.” Her voice sounds bitter and wobbles on the last word. She’s facing away from me, giving me no chance to read her.

“Ara, look at me!”

She shakes her head.

“That’s not …fuck, you can’t just tell me something like that and expect I’ll go on like nothing happened.” She stays as she is, her arms wrapped around herself, her head bowed. I’m not even sure she heard me.

I grip my hair. She handed me her life without so much as a warning. I know what I’m supposed to do. I grew up with the knowledge. It was engraved into my brain during the time I trained as a healer, but…

She lifts her head, and her shoulders move with a deep breath. She turns to face me. Her face is full of quiet acceptance.

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