Page 86 of Feathers of Ash and Hope

“Well, I’m abhorrently rotten at it,” I tell him. “My five-year-old niece is better in most things expected of me. Do you have any idea how terrifying that is? How scared I am of disappointing all of them?”

“You don’t want to live at court?” He looks confused.

“Oh, I absolutelylovethe thought of marrying a stranger and living in a strange place I have never seen before, away from my family,” I say dryly. “What do you think?” I raise my hand before he can answer. “Forget I asked. The point is you all stamped me as irresponsible and reckless and can’t see that I would hang the fucking moon for the people I love, even if it cuts me apart.” I huff out a breath, fighting to keep my voice stable when I’m reminded of Tate’s cutting words from last night.

“You always seemed to judge me less,” I whisper. “Guess I was wrong.”

I use his stunned silence to escape, and it feels like déjà vu. I’m glad I’ll be gone for a week.

Chapter

Twenty-Four

TATE

Ara crosses the courtyard,heading toward us. Her movements are tense, her smile looks forced, and she doesn’t meet my eyes, which makes it hard to read the feelings swirling behind them.

I shouldn’t have lashed out yesterday.

She hands me her pack but doesn’t linger, and I keep my hands busy by securing it next to mine on Daeva’s back instead of reaching for her. She will be riding with Zaza, and I’m thankful for that. There is no way I could keep this cold indifference up if I spend hours with her body pressed to mine.

My whole body already itches with the need to hold her, comfort her.

Ara walks over to Zaza and her bird Pax, a Rukh, waiting while Zaza checks all her straps.

When everyone is mounted, Tanner—who takes point first—gives the sign for takeoff, and our flight rises as one. Tanner is agood squadron leader and an experienced rider. If climbing the ranks hadn’t been part of my plan, I would have been content with serving in his squadron.

The mountainous landscape, with its white peaks and forested sides, has been quiet so far. Hopefully, it will stay that way. I am not eager for Ara to see action while she’s out with us. Not only because it’s always dangerous to have someone as inexperienced as her in our midst but also because bearing two riders will slow down Pax, which makes evading attacks much harder.

“Maybe Ara should ride with Jared and Zephyr,” Daeva suggests innocently. “Or Tanner and—”

“Enough,”I snap, and she clicks her beak in amusement.

“Just saying, Strix are bigger than Rukh, so if you are worried, it would make much more sense—”

“I said enough,”I growl. Daeva caws, clearly laughing at me now. Which makes Jared throw me a questioning glance. When his laughter wafts over only seconds later, I know Daeva spoke to Zephyr.

The mountains below us swell and ebb, the scenery lush and green so close to the coastline. Daeva perks up when we pass over a herd of deer, the animals freezing in place as they feel the preying eyes.

“Tonight,”I promise Daeva.“You know there will be plenty of game around.”

“You sure we don’t have time for a snack?”

I chuckle at her hopeful tone.

“You know we will barely reach the outpost before nightfall, even without delays.”

“I don’t mind flying in the dark,”Daeva says.

“Yeah, but it’s not just us.”I pet her feathers in front of me, reminding her of the fact that neither Rukh nor Strix have thenight vision she does and wouldn’t enjoy flying with impaired sight.

We reach the outpost just when the sun slips behind the surrounding mountains. We had a smooth flight without issues, unless you counted cheeky birds and annoying best friends. Jared loves the idea of Ara riding with him and tells me so repeatedly.

Ara winces after dismounting. The first part of this patrol route is always the most challenging since we don’t make any stops. Her body isn’t used to riding the way ours is. Her walk tells me her muscles are stiff and tight from holding one position for so long.

I’ll offer to heal her later because tomorrow will be worse. We unpack and relieve our birds from their harnesses for the night. By the time I’m done tending to Daeva, there is no sign of Ara.

I catch her right before we sit down for dinner, but she declines my offer to heal her and quickly slips past me.

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