Page 103 of Feathers of Ash and Hope

She hesitates but then nods, and I sit down next to her. The situation reminds me so much of my encounter with Jen that I realize I haven’t cleared that up yet.

It seems strange to state something like that out of the blue, but then I remember her words after I caught her coming out of Cassius’s room.

“I did not hook up with Jen or anyone else lately,” I say, looking over to gauge her reaction. The smile that blooms on her face sparks my own.

“I didn’t talk to the dragon for that reason either,” Ara offers back.

“Why—” I stop myself. “Sorry, no questions. I remember.”

Ara laughs at my pained expression. “It’s killing you, isn’t it?” she asks, and I nod sheepishly. “Too bad because I still won’t tell you,” she teases with a wide smile.

“Cruel.” I can’t help but return her grin. “So since I can’t ask questions, maybe you want to just tell me something about yourself willingly instead?”

“That was a question.” She grins. “I think I’ll ask you some questions now.”

“You can ask,” I agree, “but I won’t always answer.” She snorts in indignation, and I laugh.

“What?” I ask when she simply watches me, smiling.

“Nothing.” She shakes her head, but her smile widens.

“You want to ask me nothing?” I raise one eyebrow. She widens her eyes comically.

“You laugh, and you joke? Who are you, and what did you do with Centurion Grumpy?”

“Smart-ass,” I grumble, and her laughter washes over me like sunshine on a summer day.

“How long have you known Jared?”

“Since before I can remember. I’m closer to him than my brother.”

“So you have a brother. Where is he?” she asks, but I only shake my head. “Okay…how is it to be bonded?” she fires the next question.

“It’s like you gain an additional part of yourself, if that makes sense?” I smile when she scrunches up her nose, but she nods.

We settle on the safe topic of the academy and becoming a skyrider after that.

“So the cliff,” she suddenly says, and I tense. “You and your flight went swimming there before?”

I shake my head.

“You and Jared, then?”

“It was a lifetime ago,” I answer. “I don’t want to talk about it.”

“You lost someone,” she says, and that statement hits me like a punch. Images of Louis and Leo pop up in my head, of their last moments in life. Of the blood, the pain, the emptiness in Leo’s eyes.

I swallow.

The happiness from moments before is instantly replaced by something darker, oozing like a wound never allowed to heal and festering with all the missed chances and unspoken words.

Ara’s hand lands on my arm, a comfort, sunshine in the vortex of darkness that threatens to swallow me. Her touch grounds me and pulls me back into the here and now, away from the abyss of grief and rage.

“The only way to honor the dead is by living,” she whispers. The words reverberate inside my chest like I’ve heard them before but forgot.

“It’s what my father used to say.” She smiles at me sadly. “So… that is what I’m trying to do… to honor him.” Her breath hitches, and she looks out into the dark. “It’s funny really how others gained a hero while I lost mine.” Her voice breaks, and she bites her lip, her breath slow and deep, like she’s breathing away her pain. And I feel it, feel the pain in my chest lessen marginally while I breathe in rhythm with her.

“When you held the eulogy after the attack…I knew then,” she says, squeezing my arm before dropping her hand. I instantly miss her touch.

---