Page 10 of Feathers of Ash and Hope

We all chuckle.

Louis had been the best.

As if he senses my shifting mood, Jared launches into the next story, determined to keep it light and easy. It is easy tolaugh with them, and the longer I sit at Nan’s table, the less solid my reasoning for staying away becomes.

Nan is not one for throwing around accusations, even if she has every right to do so.

Nan looks at me, her expression serious. We arrived at the moment I dreaded all along.

“His death isnotyour fault,” she says, and I look away. “Look at me.” When I don’t immediately react, she reaches over and places her hand on my cheek. I meet her gaze. “You are not to blame, and I need you to start believing it, or it will destroy you.” Her gaze is unwavering, and there is truth in her voice. Only she is wrong.

My throat closes up, making it hard to breathe and even harder to speak.

“But if I hadn’t…” There are so many ways to finish this sentence, but I can’t force even one of them past my lips. I swallow. “Louis would still be here,” I croak.

“He made his choices, and they led him right to that moment. Who am I to question that or the fates? Maybe it was his time to go.” She gives me a sad smile. “Yes, I miss him. Yes, I’m angry sometimes. But not with you. Never with you.” Her hand runs over my cheek, catching slightly on the stubble. Then she focuses on her plate, her eyes suspiciously bright.

I’m glad Jared doesn’t push for a conversation on our way back. My mind is stuck on repeat while I go over that day three and a half years ago and every possible outcome, trying to find the point that would have made a difference.

Chapter

Three

ARA

“They’re going to kill me,”Sloan mutters for what feels like the hundredth time since we started for the academy. A small miracle, considering it’s not more than ten minutes on foot—and we are only halfway there.

Telos is a small town at the foot of the Malvada Mountains that borders the sea. Its biggest buildings are the academy, the arena, and the temples. Everything else is modest in comparison and ranges from sprawling villas and townhouses to the huts of the poor.

I arrived three weeks ago, so I thankfully had time to get used to the overwhelming number of people and noise. Despite Telos being a small town, it is big compared to what I’m used to.

Sloan pulls me aside when a cart loaded with vine barrels swerves to the side to let an oncoming cart pass.

“I’m as good as dead,” Sloan mutters. My uncle thinks she is accompanying me to the carriage station and that I’m headinghome today, while my family assumes I’m staying for three months. So I’m on my way to the academy.

“My brothers are not that bad.” I roll my eyes at my cousin's dramatics.

“They kill for a living,” she counters, making me snort a laugh.

“They are in the king’s army, not assassins.” I shake my head at her.

“Same difference,” she mutters. “And now you want that too? Kill and be killed?” Sloan’s family consists of merchants and has nothing to do with weapons and fighting.

“It’s not half as bad as you make it sound,” I tell her, trying to keep the annoyance out of my voice. We’ve had similar arguments at least a hundred times.

“Is that why you slinked out instead of telling them?” She raises her eyebrows.

I don’t answer that. Since she doesn’t know I’m cursed, I can’t tell her about the marking. But she knows my brothers well enough to have a solid idea of how telling them would have worked out.

“Look, all I need is for you to post those letters for me. As long as they keep coming, no one will ask questions. You won't even have to lie for me.” Those letters are the only reason I told Sloan about my plan. She will cover my ass by forwarding them since I won’t be allowed to leave the premises until after Picking, which is three months away. Sending my letters with the military postal service simply isn’t an option.

She stops and stares at me like I’ve lost my mind.

“Ara Blackstone, stop acting like this is not a big deal.” She throws up her hands. “Applicants die in there!”

“Accidents happen everywhere.” I shrug. “It’s not like someone is trying to kill us off.”

“Oh no, they kindly wait with that until after you’re done and you get sent on patrol.”

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