Page 65 of Tameron

“Where are you?”

I dragged a hand down my face. “At the Golden Gate viewpoint.”

“Want me to come get you?”

Yes. No. Maybe. “You have to work later.”

“I don’t care.”

Those three words hit me right in the chest. He didn’t care. He’d come anyway, just because I needed him. And that was the problem, wasn’t it? I was starting to need him too much.

“Talk to me,” he said softly. “What’s going on in that head of yours?”

Maybe it was the darkness. Maybe it was the physical distance between us. Maybe it was just that I was so fucking tired of carrying it all. Whatever it was, the words spilled out. “I’m drowning. I’m lost. I’m… I don’t know what I am. Who I am. Where I belong.”

“Yeah, you have a lot on your plate right now.”

Hearing him say that brought tears to my eyes. I hadn’t realized how much I needed him to listen, truly hear what I was saying rather than offer some quick reassurance that everything wasn’t that bad. It was. It fucking sucked. “Everyone else is moving on. They’ve found their path forward, but I’m stuck.”

“That’s okay,” Dayton said softly. “You don’t have to have it all figured out right now.”

“But I should. I’m twenty-nine years old, and I have nothing. No job, no purpose, no direction. And things will only get worse. My left ear is deteriorating rapidly, and…” My voice broke a little. “And I’m scared, Day. I’m fucking terrified.”

“I can’t even imagine.”

“I’ll lose everything that matters to me. Everything and everyone I love.”

“You won’t lose everything,” Dayton said, his voice gentle. “Your friends and family love you. They’ll learn. Look how far Nash has come with his signing already.”

I dragged a hand through my hair. “But it’s not the same. Even if they learn ASL, which will take years to become fluent, the ease of communication will be gone. No more quick chats in the kitchen. No more inside jokes. No more…” I swallowed hard. “Everything will be different.”

“Different doesn’t mean worse.”

“Doesn’t it? I’ve seen how hard it is for Dax to communicate with hearing people. Even when they try, there’s always this…barrier. This invisible wall between them.”

“Between us, you mean?” Dayton asked softly. “Because I’m hearing and my family is Deaf?”

That gave me pause. “I didn’t mean…”

“I know you didn’t. But yes, there’s always something. A barrier, like you said. But that doesn’t mean the relationships are less meaningful or the love is less strong. It just means we have to work a little harder at it sometimes.”

I buried my face in my hands. “I’m so tired of having to work harder at everything. I’m tired of having to prove myself, of having to fight for every little thing. I just want things to be easy again.”

“I know, honey. I wish I could make it easier for you.”

The endearment hit me right in the chest. “You do make it easier. Your friendship”—I vaguely gestured at him and thenmyself—“whatever we are is the best thing in my life right now. But I’m still drowning.”

“Anyone would be overwhelmed under those circumstances, Tam. This is not your fault or your shortcomings. It’s okay to feel like this. Anyone would when dealing with all that.”

“I hate it!” I burst out. “I don’t want to feel like this. Sorry for myself and angry. I’m so angry all the time…”

“At yourself?”

“At myself, at Creek and Bean for being so goddamn happy, at Nash for always having his shit together, at the asshole who caused the accident, at everyone. The whole word pisses me off.” Then, I reconsidered. “Not you. I’m not upset with you. I didn’t mean to imply that?—”

“I didn’t take it that way. Don’t worry about it.”

“I hate being angry. I don’t want to be that person, the veteran who is bitter for the rest of his life because of something that happened. That can’t be me.”

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