Page 15 of Tameron

“Do you want me to take a look at it?”

The words fell out of my mouth before I could even debate the wisdom of this. “Yeah, please.”

“Let’s sit in my truck to watch it. That way, we have some privacy and can have a quiet conversation.”

I happily agreed, and two minutes later, we’d installed ourselves in his truck and I’d pulled up the video for him. He watched it intently, nodding at certain times, smiling at some of it, and clearly following along.

“Well?” I asked when he’d finished it. “Was it that bad? Did I make some big mistakes I didn’t notice?”

He met my eyes. “Not at all. I spotted some small things, but nothing that warrants a failing grade.”

“Small things like what?”

“Your non-manual markers—your facial expressions—need some work. At some point, you say you were surprised by how different ASL is from spoken language, but your face didn’t show that surprise.”

“Fair enough. I know I need to improve that aspect. It’s hard for me because it feels so over the top, almost like making fun of something.”

He chuckled. “I guess it does if you’re not used to it, but it’s a crucial element in communicating.”

“But other than that?” I pressed.

“Nothing big. A few small mistakes, but nothing that made me lose track.”

“So why did he fail me?” I knew that had come out way too emotional, including a very obvious crack in my voice, but I couldn’t hide how upset I was.

Dayton put his hand on my knee for a moment, sending a jolt of warmth through me. “He shouldn’t have, and I’m sorry.”

I appreciated his comfort more than I had expected. Out of anyone in my life, he was the one person able to judge whether I’d done a good job. Nash had read the essay, but he wouldn’t have been able to check my test because his ASL was nowhere near my level. But Dayton was fluent. “Thank you. That means a lot…”

Then I cocked my head. I’d been watching him, and something in his face gave me pause. “But you have an idea why he failed me.”

Dayton sighed. “One of the biggest downfalls of growing up speaking ASL is that I have no poker face. My face is an open book that shows everything I’m feeling.”

That made me chuckle.

“No, I’m serious. In fact, I can’t even play actual poker. Everyone can immediately see it on my face when I have a great hand.”

I’d never thought of it like that, but I could see how that could happen. As he’d said, facial expressions were a crucial part of ASL, so he’d grown up using his face to communicate. “That’s funny…but also annoying, I think.”

He shrugged. “Every now and then, but it’s usually not a big deal. But that is why you saw something on my face.”

I grew serious again. “Because you have an inkling why he failed me. Is it because he doesn’t like me? I don’t think he does, but I didn’t expect him to fail me for that.”

Dayton hesitated, then said, “If I understand your talk correctly, you said that ASL is much harder to learn than you had expected because it’s so much more than learning signs. And that while you appreciate the backup ASL gives you and want to keep getting better at it in case your hearing deteriorates, you prefer spoken English over ASL.”

That was a pretty good summary, actually, but my stomach sank as what Dayton said registered with me. “He failed me because I gave my honest opinion?”

Dayton slowly nodded. “That would be my guess.”

“B-but it’s the truth! At least for me it is. How can he punish me for being honest about how I feel?”

Dayton’s face showed nothing but empathy and understanding. “Can I try to explain?”

I nodded.

“ASL has a very different meaning to hearing people than Deaf folks. Even for those who are partially deaf, ASL has a different function since they can often get by with spoken English. For Deaf people, ASL is their only option. Lipreading only gets you so far, as you’ve undoubtedly discovered, and when you’ve been Deaf from birth, your spoken words are never gonna sound the same as hearing people, even with speech therapy. You’ll always be different and feel different…but not with ASL. ASL is how they can communicate perfectly without feeling different, resulting in a strong emotional attachment to it…just like immigrants have to their native language, for example. I think your teacher felt offended by your opinion of ASL becauseit came across as judgmental. Maybe even elitist, since he could’ve interpreted it as spoken English being superior.”

I hung my head, avoiding his eyes. Fuck. I hadn’t intended to make it sound that way, but now that Dayton explained it, I could see how it could come across that way. “I was trying to be honest and to verbalize my feelings about language, like the assignment said.”

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