Page 17 of Only When It Breaks

I sit on the edge of the bed, unzipping my bag slowly. “So now you’re on the Kai Banks fan club committee?”

She throws a pillow at me. “Don’t be snarky. I’m just saying people can surprise you. He sat withmeat lunch, Em.Me.I’ve literally spent years being invisible to guys like him.”

I don’t know what to say to that. BecauseI get it.And because I’ve felt more seen by him, behind a screen, than I ever expected to feel in real life.

Ava props herself up on her elbows. “Come on, don’t act like you didn’t notice. He looked at you about a hundred times in the car. And not in ameanway.”

My stomach twists. “Maybe he just wanted to make sure I wasn’t about to throw up.”

“You didn’t even look his way once.” I shrug, avoiding her eyes. Ava sits up properly, her voice softening. “You know, it wouldn’t be the worst thing if you gave him a chance.”

I let that hang in the air. Because she doesn’t know. Not the whole truth. She doesn’t know that Iamgiving him a chance.Just not in the way either of us expected.

Kai

Dad looks up from his black coffee. There’s guilt in his expression, just like always. But I ignore it because I’m in a surprisingly good mood. I grab a can of Coke from the fridge and head for the door. “Wait,” he says firmly, his voice throaty from too much whiskey and whatever else he threw down his throat last night. “College okay?” I roll my eyes in irritation and take a few more steps. “Kai,” he calls, getting to his feet. “Look, I’m sorry. I messed up.Again.What can I say? It’s been a tough week.”

I avoid his eye but give a stiff nod. It’s what he expects. And honestly, what’s the point in talking about it again? He doesn’t listen.

I head up the stairs, and this time, he lets me. I throw my bag to the floor and place my can on the side before pulling out my phone and dropping down on my bed.

Me: Okay, I hate to admit it, but you were right. I made a new friend today.

It’s a few minutes before her reply pops up and I grin.

Little Rebel: Yay for you. Should I polish a medal?

Me: Bad day, dear?

Little Rebel: I refuse to praise you for doing the humane thing and giving someone less fortunate than you, a chance.

Me: Less fortunate? Who said they’re less fortunate?

Little Rebel: A wild guess!

Me:I took your advice, and it paid off. I was just letting you know.

I throw my phone on the side. I thought she’d be pleased, especially knowing she was right.

A minute later, my phone buzzes again, and I can’t help it, I snatch it up like I haven’t been staring at it for the past five minutes.

Little Rebel:Okay, fine. Iamright. Always am. It’s exhausting, really.

I smile. Why am I so relieved she’s notpissedat me?

Me:So youareproud of me?

She types for a while. Then stops. Then starts again.

Little Rebel:Let’s not get carried away. You made one decent decision. That doesn’t make you Gandhi.

Me:Gandhi’s got nothing on me. I gave someone the front seat of my car. That’sbasically sainthood. Besides, I might have made two friends. Her bff is a tough one to crack, but I think she’s warming to me.

I picture Emmie and my heart jitters in my chest. I’m not sure what it is about her, but I find myself trying harder to get her approval every time I see her. It’s the same with Little Rebel. Between them, they’re making me want to be better.

Little Rebel:Maybe she sees through your bullshit.

I pause. My fingers hover over the screen. Emmie definitely sees right through me. And I hate that.

---