“I’ll order something.” I tried to rise, wanting to get away before I let him see too much, but his grip on my thigh tightened, forcing me to stay where I was.
“What’s wrong?” he asked, studying me. I tensed. I should have known he’d read me. Genius Alfie Tell could always read me.
“Nothing,” I answered quickly. What was I doing? I didn’t lie and sneak around like this.
“You’re lying.” He gripped my chin, forcing me to look at him. I tried to do what he did, to slip a mask into place and hide my secret away from his prying eyes.
“I just…I told Natalie I was leaving today. I haven’t decided where I’m leaving to yet, but she knows.” It was a shitty cop-out, but it wasn’t entirely a lie.
He eyed me for another moment before giving me a satisfied nod. “Good,” he said, seeming pleased.
“Good?” He was pleased that I was upset?
“Yes. You needed to tell her and now you have.”
“You could at least ask me if I’m okay,” I snapped and he tilted his head at me, clearly not understanding what my problem was.
“Why wouldn’t you be okay?”
“Because I’m leaving my family behind! Didn’t you care when you left your family for the first time?”
Alfie sighed and ran his hands through his hair. “Lola, I was six years old when I was sent to boarding school, so whether I cared or not, I don’t have much memory of it.” He raised a hand and cupped my face, gently stroking my cheek. “It’s unfortunate you’re upset about your sister but it was unavoidable, so what do you want me to do about it?”
What did I want him to do about it? Nothing. I just wanted him to feel as guilty as me.
“Nothing. It’s not your fault, I’m sorry for riding you about it,” I murmured. He pulled me to him, his lips meeting mine for the first time in a soft kiss that was unusually chaste for Alfie Tell. The man had been breaking my heart all day.
“Go and order dinner, O’Connell.” He spanked me playfully and lifted me off his lap.
“Sure,” I said, trying not to wince as he switched his phone back on. I considered myself dismissed and started to leave when he stopped me again, his fingers catching mine.
“Lola, you’ll come right back.” His words were half-order, half-plea, and they twisted the guilt dagger painfully. I could barely stand to look at him, to see the budding trust, the glimmer of hope starting to shine in his cold grey eyes. I gave him a smile that I hoped was sweet.
“Where else would I go?” I said and walked away.
Sixty
The next morning I awoke yet again to the tinny shrill of Alfie’s phone. He was out of bed and in business mode before my eyes were even open.
My sleep-weary eyes followed his stiff form into the walk-in and I sighed. The day had begun. Last night, he worked like a demon, his manner blank and monotone. I’d lain on the couch, surrounded by vases of bleeding hearts, until he’d woken me around 3am to carry me to bed. I’d always considered Alfie to be privileged. It hadn’t dawned on me until I began to see it for myself how much it cost a person to run a business like Alfie’s. Tell Company LTD wasn’t just a company, though, it was a colossal corporation and it required its king to make many sacrifices. It would require its queen to make sacrifices too and they were sacrifices I wasn’t sure I could make.
Bradley.I squeezed my eyes shut as the memory of his lips on mine filled my mind. The guilt was inescapable and it made me wonder how a person could live with a secret for years. I’d had this one for less than a day and I already hated myself. I thought about Alfie, who as usual was up and fully dressed whilst I was still in bed and completely naked. Alfie had secrets. I didn’t know what they were but they were enough to cause himto hurt himself and spend a decade running a company he hated. I wondered how heavy those secrets weighed on him, how deep his guilt-gilded dagger was sunk. I was starting to understand why he lashed out whenever I got too close.
Bradley.
I would have to avoid him today. As for telling Alfie, what good could it do? It would only erase how far we’d come. It wasn’t logical to tear us apart over something that would never happen again. A small part of me was angry with Bradley for hot potato-ing this crap into my lap but I knew I couldn’t lay it all at his door. I hadn’t exactly fought him off.
Alfie came out of the walk-in, his phone still pressed to his ear, and gave me a look that told me it was time to get myself out of bed.
I dressed quickly in the jeans and t-shirt I’d brought with me last night and threw my new ballet pumps and sunglasses on too. My hair was gloriously wild as usual. I’d never let it grow this long but every time I thought about cutting it, I thought about how attached Alfie was to it.
I found Alfie waiting for me downstairs next to a basket of blueberry muffins on the foyer table. I took two, slipped my hand into his and tried to ignore the guilt weighing in my chest.
As we pulled into Rosie’s he ended the call and, sliding his Ray-Bans off, turned to give me his full attention for the first time that morning.
He cupped my face, his thumb running over my lower lip, his eyes focusing intently on my mouth. How could he make a simple gesture so erotic?
“I ought to have gotten you that dress seven times over,” he said, frowning at my jeans and t-shirt combo. I guessed he was missing the red dress too. I’d enjoyed wearing something he’d chosen for me more than I cared to admit. It made me feel so…owned.