Page 77 of Devotion

“You hear back from Pyotr?”

“No.” She sways slightly, her hands clenching at her sides.

“Then what? What are you planning?”

“To kill them. All of them.”

“Vanya…” I reach for her. Her skin is frozen. How long has she been out here?

“Do not!” She shakes my hand off, spinning on me. Her eyes glitter with tears. Behind her I spot the bottle of vodka, sitting by the grave marker, half empty.

“Do not what? Try to comfort you?”

“Try to stop me.”

“I won’t. Just let me come with you. Tomorrow. Another day. We can plan?—”

“All I ever do is plan! All I ever do is wait! Look at where that got us!” She slams her hands into my chest driving me back a few steps.

“Settle down—” I regret saying it the second it’s out of my mouth.

Vanya’s eyes widen, her lips peeling back in a snarl.

“How dare you tell me this! I will not settle down while those bastards are out there. They killed my family. My little brother!” Her shouts echo out into the night. “He was my everything!”

“I know…”

“You know? You who do not mourn your brothers. You who leaves his past behind like nothing! You care about nothing.” Her words slash into me worse than any knife.

“Do not tell me what I care about,” I warn, my voice dropping.

“I will say what I see. If you gave a shit about anything, not enough blood could be spilled in the world to make up for your loss. For our loss.”

Vanya snatches her things, stomping past me. I reach out, not intending to grab her, just to step in her path. In the dark I don’t see her fist until it’s flying right at my face. The brunt of the force deflects as I lean back, catching a glancing blow along my jaw.

“Get out of my way.”

“No. I won’t let you throw your life away.”

“Fuck my life. Fuck you. Fuckeverything.”

“I will help you find Pyotr. I will help you hunt down and kill every last one of them. Just not like this. Not while you’re still?—”

“Still what?!”

“Lost! Grieving! Call it what you will.”

“I call you acoward.” She juts her chin out at me, moving to walk away again.

“Call me whatever you want, just come back inside. Sleep. Get warm. Sober up.” Back down the hill, I keep pace with her, staying between her and the van.

“I will kill you if you do not get out of my way.”

“Then kill me. Because you are the only thing left in this world that I care about. And I will protect you, even from yourself.”

14

VANYA

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