Page 5 of Daydreams & Doughnut Cake

‘Mummy?’

‘Yes, love?’

‘That man has a baby in his tummy. Why does it never come out?’

Looking at Nigel’s admittedly rather rounded belly, I fought to hide a smile. Thankfully, they were too far away to have heard Amelie’s innocent question.

‘Um... Nigel isn’t pregnant, love. He... well, sometimes people get big tummies when they like their food too much.’Or their beer, in Nigel’s case.

‘I likemyfood too much andIdon’t have a big tummy,’ said Amelie with a perplexed frown.

‘No, you don’t, my love. You’re perfect in every way.’ I smiled down at her, my heart swelling with love. Thanks to my daughter, I was actually starting to feel human again. Hopefully yesterday’s scare had been a one-off and it wouldn’t happen again. I’d probably been mistaken, anyway. It was a distance away. Just one face in a crowd. And the car I’d thought I recognised could have belonged to anyone.

After all, I saw my lovely Mark everywhere I went – even though of course I knew logically that it was impossible – so I was used to the sudden, heart-pounding reaction followed swiftly by a feeling of despair and embarrassment.

I’d catch a glimpse of red hair on a tall, athletic-looking man, and my heart would lurch with sudden hope – only for it to be dashed next second when he turned around.

I’d once run after someone, all the way along Risley Common High Street, convinced in a moment of madness that it was actually Mark. Afterwards, I felt ridiculous and so shaken that I had to rush into the nearby park and find a lonely bench where I could break down and let the tears flow. I never let Amelie see me cry, though. I’d save that for after she’d gone to bed...

‘Right, come on, love,’ I said briskly now. ‘Let’s get going. We don’t want to be late for nursery.’

*****

Later that afternoon, I walked out of the café kitchen with a plate of delicious freshly-baked sultana scones, still warm from the oven, to find Maisie, Ellie’s step-daughter, sitting at a tablein the corner. She had some reading and colouring books beside her but she looked as if she was playing a game on her phone.

I recalled the conversation we’d had a few days earlier on the village green, sitting on the bench by the duck pond.

Maisie had been staying with Jaz and Milo for a few days, to give Ellie time to concentrate on the new baby, and I’d kept her company on the bench while Jaz nipped back into the café to collect some muffins for their tea. Among other things, we’d talked about what it was like for Maisie to finally have the little sister she’d longed for and she’d smiled and said it was great. When I asked how school was going, she’d given me a fed-up look.

‘Not great, huh?’ I said with a sympathetic smile.

She shrugged. ‘School’s all right.’ She hesitated. ‘It’s just... well,life. It’s so complicated sometimes.’

‘You’re right there,’ I’d murmured in hearty agreement.

‘All these thoughts keep racing around inside my head and I can’t sort of pin them down. Do you know what I mean?’ She gave a dramatic shrug. ‘Honestly, Rosie, I’m a monumental disaster.’

‘Oh, dear. Is this just a recent thing, feeling like this?’

She sighed. ‘Yes. Lots of things are changing and I don’t know what I think about it all. I sometimes wish I could have my old life back.’

I nodded. ‘It can be tough when things change. But you know, sometimes what seems really bad at first can turn out to be okay in the end.’

‘Like what?’ she asked.

‘Well... I was really, really sad when I lost my husband, Mark. He was ill and then he died. And for a long time, I didn’t know what I was going to do without him. I didn’t trust myself to look after Amelie properly on my own. But then eventually, I found astrength inside me that I didn’t realise was there. And now we’re doing just fine, Amelie and me.’

‘That’s good.’

‘Writing in a diary really helped me when I was sad.’

‘A diary? Like Anne Frank? We were learning about her at school.’

‘Yes, exactly. A diary helped Anne Frank when her whole world was turned upside down. Maybe you could write about how you’re feeling just now? It might help you to make sense of your up-and-down emotions?’

She nodded thoughtfully. ‘That’s a good idea. Thank you.’

I’d smiled at her. ‘You’re very welcome.’

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