Page 9 of Daydreams & Doughnut Cake

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There were five of us sharing that first house.

I’d first met Jackie at a University of Brighton open day and we’d hit it off straight away. We were both applying to studybusiness management and, finding we lived not too far away from each other – she in Chichester, West Sussex and me over the border in Surrey – we’d kept in touch and texted each other on the day we received acceptances from Brighton, first choice for both of us.

We met up for a coffee a week or so later, and Jackie mentioned that she and her twin brother, Mark, had found a house to share with a couple of their friends.

‘We’re looking for a fifth person to share the bills,’ she’d said. ‘Fancy moving in with us?’

I’d already signed up for a single room in a hall of residence. But I was thrilled at the thought of a house-share – particularly as I already knew Jackie. So I said yes, cancelled my single room, and prepared to start the next phase of my life, moving into 3 Rustic Place, Brighton.

That decision changed my life in so many amazing ways.

On moving-in day, Jackie introduced me to her best friend, Clare, who was studying geography and archaeology, and Mark’s friend Danny. But I didn’t actually meet Mark for a week or so after that. He missed most of freshers’ week because he was on holiday in Greece with his girlfriend, Elsa.

I’d been a little nervous that I might not like the others as much as Jackie. But while Clare was a little stand-offish, I thought, not giving much away to begin with, Danny was open, funny and helpful, spending time unsticking the painted-shut window in my bedroom, while Mum and Malcolm helped me move my stuff in.

At first, I wondered if Clare slightly resented that Jackie and I got along so well. But that was just because of her initial spikiness. After a week or so into the house-share – and a lot of effort on my part to be friendly towards her – Clare clearly decided she liked me and we were friends. I was never as close to Clare as I was to Jackie, though, and I did still wonder if thatinitial resentment was still there, lingering in the background. We were house-share buddies, though, and Clare helped to shape my experience of university just as the others did.

Particularly Mark.

He finally arrived in a whirlwind of activity and – amid much laughter and bantering with the others – he moved his stuff in. Tanned after his holiday, his reddish hair was flecked with strands of summer-kissed gold. Jackie – a red-head just like her twin – introduced us, and whenever Mark flashed his arresting light grey eyes in my direction, I felt something flutter inside me.

But Mark had a long-term girlfriend. Elsa had gone off to start her uni course in Manchester after their Greek holiday together, and I got the feeling he was missing her already, the way he talked about her.

So I shrugged philosophically and accepted that although I was attracted to him, it just wasn’t to be. And that was fine. Life was exciting and full of possibilities, and I was meeting new people every day...

For the longest time, Mark and I were just really good friends – members of the ‘Famous Five’ as Clare insisted on calling us. (This was often followed by cheerful groans at the awful cliché or Danny doing a fake Psycho stabbing behind Clare’s back, smiling innocently at her when she turned around. She eventually started saying it just to make us laugh and Danny act the fool.)

We shared that rambling Rustic Place house during our second year as well. But then the landlord sold up, wanting to turn it into flats, so we had to find other accommodation for our final year.

Clare began commuting to uni from her parents’ house which was an easy bus ride away and I moved into a tiny, two-bed flat with Jackie close to the centre of Brighton. Mark had arranged a flat-share with some friends from his course, but it fell throughat the last minute, so he ended up sleeping on our sofa for the first few weeks of that term.

During that time, Mark and I often found ourselves alone together in the flat in the evenings, while Jackie was out with her boyfriend or staying over at his place. And that’s when we got to know each other on an emotionally deeper level. He shared with me his despair at where his life was heading in the wake of his break-up with Elsa soon after the start of our final year, and we drank wine and put the world to rights many a night.

I could feel myself falling in love with Mark and I knew I was in danger because there had never been any hint from him that he looked upon me as more than a friend. When a room became free at the flat Danny was living in, he moved out. I missed him a lot, but I told myself it was definitely for the best.

The five of us remained a tight-knit group and we enjoyed many a riotous night out in the stressful run up to final exams, Clare generally staying the night at our flat afterwards rather than travelling back to her parents’ house.

They’d helped make my uni experience so rich and enjoyable.

I loved them all.

But in the end – at the graduation ball – it was Mark who really changed my life...

CHAPTER FIVE

I’d hoped my shock sighting at the market on Wednesday would be a one-off.

I’d gone around afterwards feeling as if my stomach was being squeezed tight in an iron grip. When we left Brighton, it was my aim to put a physical distance between me and the place where it all happened. I’d hoped the memories would gradually fade and we could start a new life, Amelie and I.

I’d hated leaving my friends behind. We’d gone through university together and had stuck by each other through all of our joys and disappointments. But the alternative was staying and then having them find out I wasn’t the person they’d thought I was.

At first, it had been really hard, trying to start a whole new life without Mark. But after meeting Ellie and Katja, and starting up the business selling at the market, I’d begun to think that maybe things would be all right after all. I’d even managed to convince myself that spotting Clare at the market that day was just a one-off. Maybe she’d been seeing her brother, who I knew lived in Surrey. She’d probably just decided to visit the market while she was there. She couldn’t have known that I was working there now. And she hadn’t seen me, so it was fine...

But then a few days after Ellie came in to the café with little Isla, I was clearing tables during my second shift of the week when I happened to glance out of the window – and there she was again.

Clare.

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