Page 50 of Daydreams & Doughnut Cake

‘Of course. God, to sleep with your best friend’s wife on the day of his funeral? Whowouldn’tfeel a weight of shame dragging them down?’

I nodded. ‘Exactly,’ I murmured with feeling.

‘But I suppose after a while I started seeing what happened in a different light – in a more logical way, without all the emotion surrounding the funeral – and I realised it could have happenedto anyone. We weren’t to blame. We were just two people trying to find a bit of solace in each other after a truly terrible time.’

That’s exactly what Ellie had said.

‘But Jackie... I don’t think she’ll ever see it that way. She was so close to her brother and her anger still runs deep even now, a year later.’

‘So did she phone you and tell you all that?’ he asked. ‘Because she was nice as pie to you at the lunch.’

‘She said it was an act because she didn’t want to spoil the celebration.’ I wasn’t going to tell him about all the stuff she’d done to me in her anger. Danny didn’t have to know about that.

‘Ah. Well, look, I’ll talk to her. You two were best mates at one point. It would be great if you could get back to being friends, at least.’

‘It would. But I don’t think that’s ever going to happen.’

Looking into Danny’s warm green eyes, I felt a wave of sadness crashing over me.

Why did Mark have to die?

We’d been such good friends, the ‘Famous Five’, but since Mark had gone, everything had got so tangled up. Things would never be the same again...

But I wanted to be in Danny’s life. I really did. Standing there, it felt like a lightbulb moment. I wanted to bespecialto Danny, not just his friend, because he was beginning to feel special to me...

Seeing the tears prick at my eyes, he took a step towards me, and I felt the warmth of his hand on my shoulder.

Instinctively, I pulled away, although I could still feel the tingle left by his fingers grazing the skin on my bare arm.

Once again, I felt torn, as if I’d be betraying Mark in some way.

I shouldn’t really be feeling these things.

Danny’s eyes were filled with longing as he gazed at me. But I forced myself to look away, even though memories of our one night together were suddenly filling my head.

‘We can’t do this, Danny. We just can’t,’ I said in a small voice.

‘Who are you worried about? Jackie?’

‘No.’

‘Well, who, then?’ he asked me gently.

‘It’s Mark. I let him down. And I couldn’t live with myself if I continued letting him down by being with you. Don’t you see?’ I looked up at him now, pleading with him to understand. ‘You were his best mate. How could iteverbe right for us to be together? I just can’t do it to Mark. You and I can only ever be friends.’

He looked down, crestfallen, and I hated that I’d hurt him – all over again.

I wanted to reach up and kiss him to try and make it better somehow.

But instead, I forced myself to turn and walk away from him.

CHAPTER THIRTY-SIX

Later, at home, I was watching TV when I heard a car draw up and park outside.

A moment later, the doorbell rang.

It was Danny and my heart sank. If he was going to try and persuade me that we could be more than friends, I was going to have to exert such strong willpower to say no.

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