Page 45 of Daydreams & Doughnut Cake

My heart gave a lurch of horror. I stared at her, unable to speak.

‘I wasworriedabout you,’ she spat out. ‘You’d said you wanted to be on your own but I decided to go round and make sure you were all right.’ She gave a bitter laugh. ‘Turned out youweren’ton your own because Danny’s car was there. At the time, I just presumed he’d had the same idea as me... to make sure you were okay after such a horrible day. But your bell wasn’t working so I went to the window and peered in to attract your attention. I was about to knock. And that’s when I saw you.’

‘You saw what?’ I whispered. My insides felt hollow.

‘I saw you and Danny on the sofa. Danny tried to keep his distance. He moved away. But you... you actuallycame on to him.’ She sounded revolted. ‘I couldn’t believe what I was seeing. I said goodbye to mytwinthat day. People don’t understand how tight that bond can be, but Mark really was the closest person in the world to me. My soulmate. I don’t think I’ll ever get over his death.’ She was trembling, her words emerging full of fury, each accusation piercing me with guilt. ‘I wasdevastatedthat day, Rosie. I still am. And there you were on the night of the funeral actually coming on to Mark’sbest friend?’ She shook her head in disgust. ‘Christ, you’d cremated your husband just a few hours earlier. But you werekissing Dannyand presumably a lot more besides. How the hell could you do that?’

‘It... was a mistake,’ I blurted out, finding my voice. ‘I was upset... I was devastated myself. Of course I was.’

‘Really?’ she sneered. ‘Well, it didn’t seem like you were in mourning when I drove by your house the next morning and Danny’s car was still there. You had sex, I suppose?’

‘No!’ I gazed at her in horror.

‘Really?’

I looked down, shame scorching my cheeks.

The fact was I wholly deserved Jackie’s attack on me. And I owed her the truth. So I nodded. ‘We did have sex that night,’ I said softly. ‘But honestly, Jackie, we were just comforting each other. It didn’t mean anything. We were both just so overwhelmed with grief.’

‘Danny always liked you.’

‘It was nothing to do with Danny,’ I said quickly. ‘I initiated it. So please don’t blame him.’

‘I don’t.’

‘So you haven’t talked to him about it?’

‘I haven’t seen him since the funeral. We all seemed to go in different directions after that.’ She shrugged, irritated. ‘But that’s beside the point. Why would I accuse Danny of anything? I don’t blame him at all.Hewasn’t the one who wasmarried to my twinand who just couldn’t help herself betraying him just a few hours after saying a final goodbye to him. You’re the one at fault here, Rosie. No one else.’

I swallowed hard. ‘Look, Jackie, I know that. I’m one hundred per cent guilty. You have to believe me when I tell you I’ve hated myself ever since for what happened that night. I wish more than anything else that I could change things but I can’t. It happened and I regret it... but what else can I say? I’m so very sorry that you saw us together. On top of getting through the funeral, it must have seemed like the very last straw.’

‘That’s the understatement of the century,’ she muttered. ‘But I don’t need your apologies, Rosie. I don’t need you as a friend. Because apparently, I never really knew you at all!’ She turned and started limping away.

‘Why did you do those things? Trashing my food. Sending the notes?’ I called after her.

She stopped and turned back. ‘You know what? I’d actually started to mellow towards you over the months. The anger I feltwas receding and I was glad because anger is never productive. But then things changed.’

‘How?’

‘I came on Daisy’s hen weekend at the glamping site.’

‘You were there as well? I knew Clare was there, but she never mentioned you.’

‘Well, you didn’t give her a chance. You practically hid from her. She had to shout at you through the letterbox to invite you to lunch. Guilty conscience, I suppose. But yes, I was there on the glamping hen do. And when Clare and I saw those photos of you on the wall in the café, looking so happy and as if you hadn’t a single care in the world, it all came rushing back. All the fury over what you did.

‘I suppose I’d imagined you’d vanished from Brighton so suddenly because you felt remorseful and couldn’t face anyone, but those photos proved you were absolutely fine – more than fine! You looked as if you were having the bloody time of your life, laughing and thriving, while Mark was dead and I was still grieving so deeply for him.’ She shrugged. ‘I guess the hatred for you never really went away. So yes, I did all those things to you. And you know what? Just for a moment, they actually made me feel a bit better.’

*****

Feeling deeply shaken, I retreated inside after Jackie had gone and went upstairs to check on Amelie.

She’d slept through the whole horrible confrontation and for that I was immensely glad.

Back downstairs, I slumped down at the table in the kitchen. My head was still reeling with images of Jackie’s angry face as all the pent-up emotion had poured out of her. She’d waited a long time to level those accusations at me.

I swallowed miserably.

Jackie really did hate me . . .

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