Page 10 of Daydreams & Doughnut Cake

She was walking across the green towards the café, in the company of an older woman who I recognised as her mother.

The idea of coming face to face with her again after all this time – in Sunnybrook, of all places! – rooted me to the spot for a moment.

What was she doing, coming to this particular café?

It was too much of a coincidence. Had she somehow found out I was working here?

But I instantly dismissed this idea. How could she have found out? Even Jackie – Mark’s twin and once my best friend – didn’t know where I was living and working now.

I still texted Jackie from time to time, although there was an underlying coolness in her replies and I realised I’d upset her by leaving Brighton so suddenly without talking to her first. I suppose I’d assumed she’d forgive me because I was a grieving widow... that she’d understand it was something I just needed to do to for Amelie and myself.

But I should have considered her feelings as well.

Jackie had left Brighton on a long backpacking trip with her boyfriend soon after her brother’s funeral – at the time she told me that Mark’s diagnosis had made her realise life was too short to not do all the things you wanted to do.

So a couple of days after the funeral, Jackie flew off to Thailand. They were planning a tour of the Far East and I was glad for her. Mark was her twin and I knew how grief-stricken she was to have lost him. We’d spent a lot of time together in that terrible period after Mark’s death and before the funeral, united in our pain at losing the man we both loved so much. I knew Jackie needed to get away from Brighton and all the memories for a while. She was going to Thailand in Mark’s memory.

I understood this. And I suppose I thought she would understand that I had to leave Brighton, too, for this same reason.

She sent me a few texts while she was away but I was in too much of a state back then to keep in contact with anyone, andby the time she returned to Brighton a few months later, I was already long gone and living in Surrey.

We’d been the best of friends for a long time and I’d missed her. But I still believed the action I’d taken had been best for everyone.

Jackie’s cool tone in replies to my occasional texts might just have been my imagination but I didn’t think so. She hadn’t even asked for my new address, and I suppose I felt I deserved nothing less. Apart from everything else, I’d parted her from the niece she adored. I didn’t blame her at all for feeling hurt at our sudden departure.

But while I’d kept in loose contact with Jackie, I hadn’t spoken to Clare at all in the year since I’d moved away.

I’d always tried my best to be a good friend to Clare, putting up with her occasional prickliness towards me and making sure she didn’t feel left out of the group. I was aware she probably resented my close friendship with Jackie. Clare had been friends with Jackie long before I came along, and sometimes I felt a bit guilty that I’d somehow taken her best friend away from her.

I’d talked to Jackie about it a few times but she’d just smiled and said we weren’t in the playground now; Clare had always been a bit needy when it came to relationships and I certainly shouldn’t feel guilty because she and I were good friends.

But now here she was, about to walk into the café...

In those few seconds before the door opened, I had a brisk argument with myself.

Lately, I’d felt myself relaxing into my new life and I’d even begun to hope that the nightmare might be over... that the tormenting thoughts that had darkened my days and filled my restless nights after Mark’s death were finally starting to ease...

With Clare’s sudden appearance, all the old wounds felt raw again.

But it was time I confronted the past head-on and stopped hiding away... time I dealt with what had happened after the funeral, however painful it might be.

So I did what any logical, self-respecting person would do at the prospect of coming face to face with their worst nightmare.

I scuttled away and hid in the kitchen...

*****

From my hiding place behind the half-open kitchen door, I could make out little snatches of conversation.

Maddy was being polite and talking to them about the weather, and then they were murmuring over the menu, trying to decide what to order. Clare’s brittle, slightly self-conscious laugh carried through to where I was hiding, bringing back a raft of memories, both good and not so good.

I heard Maddy call that she’d bring the coffee over. Presumably they were finding a table now. I swallowed hard and placed my palms on my burning cheeks.

I should just go out there and say hello!

Taking a deep breath, I straightened my apron and was about to do just that when I thought I heard Clare say my name.

I froze.

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