Page 78 of The Pop-Up Cake Shop

‘So this isn’t the first time you’ve split up, then?’

She laughed bitterly. ‘Hell, no. It must be three times... no, four, I think.’

‘Right.’ My mind was whirring. ‘And why do you split up? Is it always for the same reason?’

She nodded. ‘I try – honestly, I do – but I can never get it out of my head. The fact that he kissed my sister first, before me. Things are fine for a while, but then I can feel my resentment starting to brew. Then eventually, I blow up at him and end the relationship. Again.’

I stared at her, trying to comprehend her logic. But clearly there wasn’t any. As Dot had told me in confidence, it was all to do with the way she was so cruelly abandoned by her fiancé at the altar on what should have been her wedding day.

‘Gaz obviously really cares about you, Mo,’ I ventured. ‘He wouldn’t keep taking you back after such harsh treatment if he didn’t love you.’

‘I am, aren’t I? Harsh?’

I nodded. ‘Incredibly, horribly, absolutely unforgivably harsh.’

She heaved a sigh. ‘But how can I change? It’s like I’m on a never-ending circuit of misery inhere.’ She prodded the side of her head. ‘It’s a rollercoaster that just will never stop to let me off.’

I gave a big sigh in sympathy, thinking about Caleb. ‘Relationships are so bloody complicated, aren’t they? They demand so much of your heart but it can be hard to know when it’s the right time to give it. Your heart, I mean.’

She frowned at me. ‘Is this you speaking from experience? Not knowing whether to dive into a new relationship?’

‘What?’ I glanced at her bemused. Then I realised what she was saying and I smiled sheepishly. ‘Yes, I suppose so.’

‘So this guy? Does he want your heart?’

‘I think so.’

‘But you’re frightened to give it?’

I shrugged. ‘Well, I’m just out of a long-term relationship so the timing is terrible. I’d just be on the rebound with this new guy and that’s not healthy, is it?’

‘Search me.’ She stared at me mournfully. ‘Seriously, Katja, I’m the very last person you should be taking relationship advice from.’

We looked at each other and in spite of everything, we both started to laugh.

‘You need to get some counselling to get you off that nightmare rollercoaster,’ I said after a while. ‘And in the meantime, you need to contact Gaz and explain what you’ve explained to me. Does he know how crushed you were about being jilted?’

‘He knows it happened but I don’t think he realises what a shocking effect it had on me. What an effect it’sstillhaving on me now.’

I nodded. ‘Well, you need to tell Gazeverythingbecause then he’ll be more understanding when you start getting scared and holding him at arm’s length. He’ll know it’s not him you hate, but yourself for ruining what could be a great lasting relationship.’

She looked at me in astonishment. ‘Ihatemyself? Phew! Tell it to me straight why don’t you?’ She laughed. ‘I never thought of it like that. I thought it was the entire male population I despised. But really, it’smyselfI hate?’ She nodded and said it again, experimentally. ‘I. Hate. Myself.’

‘That’s a good starting point. Something you can talk about with your counsellor when you get one.’

She nodded thoughtfully. ‘I won’t be contacting Gaz, though. I need to start liking myself before I do that, don’t I?’

I shook my head. ‘No. Don’t wait around for therapy. Just start trusting that Gaz isn’t the kind of man who’ll hurt you like that other horrible pile of excrement did.’

She smiled. ‘It sounds so simple the way you put it.’

‘It could be. Simple. Just try it.’

‘Okay.’ She nodded slowly. ‘So what about you?’

‘What do you mean?’

Well, you’ve just told me that I shouldn’t wait around now I’ve found love. I should just trust that things will work out and go for it.’

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