Page 38 of The Fire We Crave

Every part of me feels numb.

“Brother, wake up.”

He shakes me, his hand on my arm. Gripping me.

I bat him away, determined to fall back into the deep sleep I was enveloped in.

“Nope. No, you don’t. Make a move.”

“Fuck off,” I grumble. “I’m sleeping.”

Atom sits next to me on the bed, which is weird. “You were dreaming. Having a nightmare, really.”

He’s wearing unbuttoned jeans. No shirt or shoes. It’s then that I notice Butcher is standing by the door dressed in a pair of boxer briefs.

I don’t even remember the dream.

But I was obviously making enough noise that it woke Atom and Butcher.

“Fuck,” I mutter, sitting up to rub my face. Shame is nefarious. It fills corners that are hard to reach, harder to clean out. It infiltrates every available space until you’re so consumed by it, you suffocate.

I shove Atom hard, but it’s the kind of hard that happens when you’ve drunk too much and been weakened by sleep. It has little to no effect.

But understanding the gesture, he moves anyway.

I flip my legs to the edge of the bed, then put my feet on the floor. I’m still fully dressed; even my boots are on my feet.

“You wanna talk about it?” Atom asks.

I shake my head. “Can’t even fucking remember it. Too much Jack. What time is it?”

“Two in the morning,” Butcher says. “You slept all fucking day.”

“Let me get a shirt, and we’ll go heat up some of that pizza. Watch a movie or some shit.”

“Where’s Ember?”

“Asleep next door.”

I shake my head as I walk toward the door. “I’m going home.”

“We need to get some food in you,” Butcher says.

I accidentally shoulder check him as I unsteadily walk by. All I can think about is Quinn’s toast. “I’ll get some at home.”

“You came here in Catfish’s truck. How do you think you’re getting home?” Butcher asks.

“I’ll fucking walk if I have to.”

As I head down the corridor, I hear Butcher say, “Get one of the prospects to drive him home, Atom.”

Maybe he will, maybe he won’t. But I keep heading in the direction I need to go. One foot in front of the other.

I’m almost to the security gate before a prospect I don’t know pulls up in a car next to me.

“Atom told me to give you a ride home, Smoke.”

Kid looks about twelve. “You old enough to have a license?”

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