Page 15 of The Fire We Crave

“Stay out of trouble.” She steps onto her toes to kiss him, and he throws an arm around her waist and helps her reach him by lifting her off the ground.

“Always,” he says.

Envy is a funny emotion. In my case, I don’t hate Ember for having found the something special in Atom. In fact, I’m thrilled for my friend. But I wish I had it.

But of all the men I’ve dated, all the apps I’ve been on, all the mediocre sex I’ve had, I’ve never found my person.

The one who can see all the different pieces of me and decide they aren’t too much to bear. The one who thinks I’m worth sticking with and coming back to.

Nothing ever lasts.

“See you girls later,” Atom says, before heading back outside.

“You didn’t ride with him?” I ask as I steady myself.

Ember shakes her head. “No, I followed in my truck. I wanted to see you. You’ve been a bit of a stranger hiding out over here.”

“You’re right. I have been. It’s just?—”

Smoke returns to the kitchen. He’s wearing a black T-shirt with a V-neck that sculpts his biceps a little too well. He’s added a belt with a Harley Davidson buckle to his jeans, and his leather cut declares he’s the Iron Outlaws’ road captain.

“Bones whined at me like he hadn’t been fed in a week.” He drops my sandals in front of me. “And I told you to stay where you were.”

I didn’t realize the instruction was literal. “It was impolite to not offer coffee. You want some for the road?”

Smoke shakes his head. “I’m good. You’re sure you’re okay cleaning the mess up?”

I know why he’s asking. He made the mess, and I covered for him. In the same way he didn’t want me to know how badly it hurt to move the groceries or butter his toast, he doesn’t want his friends to know his injuries are limiting him. “It’s fine. I’ve got it. Sooner I’ve done it, the sooner I can free Bones from his prison. Go.”

He looks at me for a moment longer, as if trying to determine if that’s my real answer or not. “Fine,” he says eventually. “Catch you later.”

“Well, that was interesting,” Ember says, and I realize that while I was watching Smoke, she was watching me.

“What was interesting?” I ask, playing the fool as I set about making her a latte the way she likes it. It’s more like a large flat white with less of the stiff foam layer.

“Oh, come on. Just because I’m officially off the market doesn’t mean I can’t see when there’s sexual tension between two people.”

I shake my head when I place the cup in front of her. “What you saw was a really complicated history. Nothing more.”

Ember reaches for my wrist gently, avoiding the marks left by the cable ties. “Then why are you still here?”

The question, although gently asked, is the same one Smoke asked. And the real answer is uncomfortable to admit.

I remove my arm from her touch and make my flat white. Busying myself from the question at hand.

When I turn to face her, I decide to be honest. “Because, embarrassingly, I didn’t have anywhere else to go.”

“What? No. You could have come to stay with me.”

I raise an eyebrow. “In your burned-down apartment? At your secret hideaway with Atom? In his ranch house? No. That wouldn’t have worked at all. I just…I don’t feel safe. And I shouldn’t even be complaining because what they did to me was only a fraction of what they did to you. My bakery is stillstanding and making money. My home is still in one piece above it. And yet…”

“And yet, what?”

“I can’t bring myself to be alone there, especially at night. During the day, I’m alert. I can see the exits. I can hear who’s coming and going. But in the dark, I get flashbacks and bad dreams that get stuck on a loop where I wasn’t so lucky.”

“I’m sorry, Quinn,” she says. “I’ve been a shit friend.”

I shake my head. “No. You haven’t. Not at all. You had so much more to deal with than I did.”

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