Page 118 of The Fire We Crave

He cups my cheeks. “What would they say in your books?”

“It would be lots of internal dialogue about how much they’d waited for this moment. How anxiety-inducing it was to find a man you loved so much, and who was willing to risk his life to keep you safe. And how awe-inducing that you got to love such a brave man for the rest of your life.”

Smoke winks at me. “That’s good enough, sugar. I’ll be back in time for some of your blueberry and lemon scones in the morning. Stay with the girls, yeah?”

I nod silently.

“It’ll be okay, sugar. I promise.”

He kisses me one last time and then goes to mount his bike. He’s just behind Butcher on the front line, and I realize just how important to the club he is.

Ember comes to stand to my left, Raven to my right.

“God, they’re spectacular,” Ember says.

“I pity the people they’re going to face,” Raven says.

“I just want them to come back alive.” Which makes me think of my niece, Liberty Ann. As we wave them off and the crescendo of bike engines quiets, I know what I have to do.

I explain to Ember and Raven that I need to call my sister.

“Go,” Raven says. “We’ll finish cleaning up for you.”

I step into the kitchen.

“Melody,” I say when she answers. “It’s Quinn.”

There’s a television playing loudly in the background, but a door closes and the volume drops.

“Quinn. Hey. I wasn’t sure if I’d hear from you.”

I wish Bones were here with me. His soft fur and tired yawns bring me more comfort than I can express.

“I’ve thought a lot about what you told me last week,” I say. “I have to be honest; I don’t know that my relationship with you will ever recover.”

It feels good to admit. It’s an absolution, of sorts. That I don’t need to forgive the person who, in her own selfishness, hurt me so badly.

“I understand,” Melody says. “I was young and stupid. I realized it the moment Liberty Ann was born. I believed whole-heartedly that I had done the right thing. That I’d drawn a line under a toxic childhood and set boundaries for my adult life. That I didn’t need to embrace the people who made my life so difficult. I figured that there was some payback in my actions and that you would all slowly move on. But once I held Liberty Ann in my arms. God, just looking at her. I knew… God, I knew deep in my heart that you don’t just forget. How could I ever forget…?”

Her words catch. It’s hard to hold space for the two pieces of the conversation. I don’t remember our childhood the same way she does. But I can hear the pain.

“Why didn’t you come back then, to make some kind of amends?”

Melody sighs. “Because I still didn’t think I owed Mom and Dad any. In the same way you can’t forgive me for what I did, I’m not sure I can forgive them for the way they tried to control me.”

There’s a long silence on the line as we both grapple with what to say next, but I finally put us both at ease.

“I’ll come and be tested.”

36

SMOKE

It’s a complex plan with lots of moving pieces, which requires impeccable timing. It’s one I’d like to believe we’re capable of executing.

But there are a number of new members in our group. We have to trust that our fellow clubs sent us some of their best men.

Yet, nothing is guaranteed.

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