Page 131 of The Fire We Crave

I smile as Ember, Raven, and Quinn pose for a photograph, their backs to the camera, looking over their shoulders to show off their matchingProperty ofleathers.

I mean, that’s what you hope for your men. Strong women who know their worth and who understand the love and honor that goes with a property patch.

Atom fucks around with the phone, turning it left and right and pretending he’s being one of those fancy fashion photographers. Smoke stands with his arm around Wraith’s shoulder, laughing as he does.

A trio of men finding their fucking happiness.

But there’s something not right in my world.

I can’t find happiness in this anymore.

There should be peace for a while. But there’s a tension in me, like a string pulled too tight that’s about to fray and unravel.

Maybe I’m the cause of it all. Because King is a natural leader of the New Jersey chapter. I see the way he is with his men. I see how different they all are but have also witnessed how close they are. I mean, every MC brotherhood is close. You have to be.

It’s a test of honor and loyalty to even join.

But there’s a synchronicity between the New Jersey Outlaws. Like they know what the others are thinking. They each know their role, their strengths, even their weaknesses. They know who to deploy against any situation.

I feel like I’ve spent my whole life making up shit as I go along. Being lucky, more often than not, that I made the right call. Living with the consequences of making the wrong ones.

“You okay, Butcher?” Grudge asks.

He sits down next to me at the bar, nursing his beer. As my vice president, he should be the man I confide in most.

And yet, he isn’t.

I might be doubting my own skills, but there’s no reason to let anyone else know.

The last thing I need is the men doubting me because I’m doubting myself.

Although, the way I behaved with Atom and Ember probably has them scratching their heads already.

I love this club; I made it my life for thirty years. I put it ahead of my wife. I put it ahead of my daughter.

I’ve put it ahead of every other opportunity I’ve ever been given.

It’s all I have.

Every ounce of myself is tied up in it.

And yet, I feel as though I might have given it all I can.

“Yeah. Big night for Smoke, eh?” I tip my glass in his direction, just as Quinn walks up to him and twirls in front of him. If I know those two, they’ll probably go find some quiet corner to fuck.

Hopefully, one where I can’t see Smoke’s ass beating double time.

Grudge nods. “Bold man. You think you’ll ever bite the bullet again?”

Vehemently, I shake my head. “Fuck, no. Ember arrived three nights before I turned eighteen. While other eighteen-year-olds were out celebrating, I was changing my first diaper. Love Ember. Loved Ember’s mom, gave it a shot. But this life, this club, it means you don’t have a lot left to give a family.” I shrug, uncertain why I’m telling him all this. “Priorities blur. Not going to put myself in a position where I need to choose, ever again. Plus, I’m not getting any younger. Got my own way of doing things. You?”

“Never again.” Grudge grins as if I’m speaking his language and clinks his drink to mine. “To open road, open bars, and open legs.”

I huff a laugh at the toast. “Yeah, to all that.”

I swallow a large chug of whiskey and look around for one of the club girls. Any’ll do. Not that I really feel like fucking. I just feel like getting out of this room, and a woman is the only reason that it can happen without someone coming to disturb me in ten minutes.

I see Karlie and Isla. The two of them will do. Hell, for the first fifteen minutes, I won’t have to do a thing because they’ll play with each other while I pretend to watch.

---