Page 99 of The Lies We Told Ourselves

“Why aren’t you angry?” Xander asked. “You should be pissed, man. You’ve been working hard for this.”

I shrugged, turning to look out the window at the barn where I knew Reece would be sneaking more apples to Spirit and Bullet. She hadn’t asked why we suddenly seemed to always have a bowl of them in the kitchen.

“I guess I’m reassessing my priorities,” I said, not really knowing how to explain myself.

Xander whistled through his teeth. “It’s good to see you like this, Booker. But don’t throw everything away for her. You can have more than one thing go right in your life, you know. Or at least that’s what I’ve heard. I’ve yet to actually figure out how to do it myself.”

I looked at Xander then, took in all the changes, and felt guilty that I hadn’t made more of an effort to talk to him about it.

“How are you doing, Xander?” I finally asked the question I should have asked weeks ago.

He seemed surprised that I was. “Me? Fine, I guess.”

I pulled my feet off the desk and sat forward, leaning against the tabletop as I did. “Don’t bullshit me,” I said sternly. “I’m your big brother. I’m allowed to be worried about you.”

“I think once we pass the thirty-five mark, you lose the right to pull the big brother card,” Xander laughed, evading the question.

“I didn’t get that memo. Now answer the question.”

Xander sighed and lurched out of his seat before striding to the window and leaning against the frame as he stared outside. I didn’t care what he was looking at as long as he answered the question.

“It’s…strange being back here. I don’t know if it’s good for me, and yet I can’t bring myself to leave either. It’s not like there’s anything but an empty apartment waiting for me in the city.”

His shoulders slumped sadly, and I felt the part of me that wanted to fix things for everyone surge to the surface. But I couldn’t do this for Xander. It was something he needed to do for himself.

“So…sell it,” I said simply.

The city wasn’t the answer to Xander’s problems. If it was, then he wouldn’t have found the bottom of his spiral there.

“Yeah, I think I will.”

“I thought you’d fight harder than that, if I’m honest.”

I pushed out of the chair and moved around the desk, sitting myself on the edge. This was probably the part where I should hug him or something, but I didn’t know if either of us was in a place where that sort of thing made sense.

Xander glanced over his shoulder and gave me a sad smile. “I think I’m done fighting,” he told me. “Right now, I’m trying to figure out who I am and what life for that version of me looks like. Now, tell me what you’re going to do about the ranch so I don’t have to think about my depressing life for much longer.”

A breath whooshed out of me, and I tipped my head back to stare up at the ceiling. “Hell if I know. The cottages are finished, so I’ll probably rent those while I figure the rest of it out.”

“Is this where I’m supposed to offer to pay you rent?”

I shook my head and laughed. “Nah, man. The cottage is yours for as long as you want it.”

“There isn’t a certain young lady who wants it back.”

I grinned then. “Nah, she stays in my bed where she belongs.”

“Happy suits you, Booker,” Xander said, clapping me on the shoulder as he left the room.

“It would suit you too, brother,” I murmured sadly, watching him go.

Xander would find his way in the world again. I knew he would. I was just hoping he wouldn’t go through hell while he was trying to figure it all out.

CHAPTER THIRTY-FIVE

REECE

Booker had been quiet all day, and I knew something had happened that he wasn’t sharing with me. It didn’t take a genius to figure out that it was the loss of another backer.

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