Page 68 of The Lies We Told Ourselves

A goddamn smile.

It wasn’t that I hated my life before. It just was what it was. I woke up. I got to work. There was a plan, a set of tasks that needed to be done, and I took comfort in doing them.

It was only now that I realized I wasn’t happy, though.

I was going through the motions.

It wasn’t a terrible life, but it was just existing.

There was nothing.

I’d never gone out in search of anything more because happiness wasn’t something I’d ever seen in my life before.

Happiness definitely wasn’t something that had existed at home when we were kids. Even the people around me hadn’t really had it until recently. Dex was the same perpetual bachelorthat I’d been, and there was nothing in Trace’s previous marriage that would have made anyone happy.

But Trace had been the first domino to fall. Seeing him with Delaney was like watching the Nature channel. It all looked so similar to the world we knew, and yet everything about it was different at the same time.

And now, I had it in my life.

It came with the terrible realization that I had no idea what I was doing, and this thing that made me so happy could be lost just as easily as it had been found.

The horse beneath me danced to the side, his ears twitching back in agitation as I realized that my grip on the reins had tightened too much.

“Steady, Bullet,” I murmured, running a hand across his neck as I loosened my grip. “Sorry about that, buddy. My head got carried away there for a minute.”

He snorted in agitation, but at least he didn’t tear ass down the field like he usually did when something annoyed him.

After taking Reece back down the trail to the house, I left her and Doc by the training ring while I rode out to bring in the other horses for their evening feed. It was probably time to push it later into the evenings now that the days were getting longer, but as I was already on Bullet, there was no point in putting it off.

Part of me hadn’t wanted to leave her, and that wasn’t just the part that wanted to carry her upstairs and continue where we’d left off.

And then there was what had happened last night. Ethan would come by soon, but he’d already warned me it was unlikely he’d be able to do much. It was a glaring reality check for me and the security measures that I needed to get in place around here.

This whole thing would have been solved if I’d had the forethought to put up some damn cameras. This cozy little townhad made me forget what the real world was like and just how close to home we didn’t like to believe it was.

For now, Xander would have to do. It also gave me a chance to make him sit down and actually talk to me about what was happening in his life. If he’d come up with a plan. Xander had always been the brother that we looked at as the one who would make it. The one who had it all together, escaped this tiny town and went and made something of himself.

I could see the pressure that must have been on him now. A pressure that probably pushed him to the alcohol that had become the problem.

I was so lost in my thoughts that I didn’t realize I’d ridden the full length of the fields and straight past the horses I was supposed to be driving back down to the ranch.

Bullet’s ears twitched, and when I swung him around, clicking my tongue to urge him on, I felt him stretch out his stride as he let loose. Bullet was one of those horses that when he wanted to run, it felt like he actually flew. I didn’t ride him often because he was a favorite with the ranch hands, but if Reece was going to be riding Doc, maybe Bullet and I could become a team.

Or I could buy her a little filly of her own.

That might be getting ahead of myself.

She’d look so good on a palomino mare, though.

With thoughts of her filling my head, it felt like it took no time at all to have the rest of the horses heading back to the ranch. They knew it was time to come in to eat. This was the easiest part of the day.

I took a few moments to assess each horse and make sure they were all running easily without any sign of injury, and then my gaze was fixed straight ahead, waiting to round that last bend when the ranch would come into view.

My heartbeat kicked up a notch at the thought of seeing her again, and when the yard finally came into view, and I saw thesun bouncing off her golden hair, I was grinning like a schoolboy at the thought of having her back in my arms.

I could see Reece standing just outside of the fence, talking to Xander. She glanced up with a dazzling smile as she saw the horses galloping toward the feed but then Xander said something that drew her attention away.

Seeing her happy with my brother meant more than I ever would have imagined, and yet I could feel a sense of panic rising at the scene in front of me.

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