Page 109 of The Lies We Told Ourselves

I had nothing to follow up on that one word. As it slipped through my lips, the sob I’d been trying to hold at bay finally broke free.

Blake bustled me into the living room, bundling me up in a blanket as she gently pushed me down onto the couch. I didn’t even remember her walking away from me, but as the mug of steaming tea was pressed into my hands, I realized she must have.

I cradled that hot vessel, letting the warmth seep into my palms as the steam curled up into my face and, strangely, it centered me.

“I don’t like tea,” I realized aloud after I’d stared at the liquid for long enough that it had long gone cold.

“I know. But this is what you do, right? Someone is going through heartbreak, and you make them tea.”

Blake sounded so sure of herself that it had me raising my head to see if she looked as crazy as she sounded. Nodding away at her own statement, her pink bob fell across her face, and she quickly pushed it away. I’d never been as brave as my beautiful friend. Cade always said she looked like a fairy when he was little, with her short stature and delicate features. To me, she’d always been my fiercest hero.

“I love you, you know.”

“Of course you do. I’m the rock, the calm in the storm. Your best bitch and all that.”

A smile touched my lips but quickly faded as the guilt followed in its wake.

“How did I not know?” It was the question that would haunt me.

“Because he didn’t want you to, sweetheart.”

Her arm came around my shoulders, and I sank into her side. Cade would need to come home soon, and I wanted to get this out of my system enough to function so I wouldn’t scare him. Ithad been hard for him when we lost Aunt Adelaide a few years ago. My father was the only other family member he had any kind of connection with, and I didn’t know how he was going to handle this. At nine years old, he shouldn’thaveto be handling this, and yet here we were.

“Do you want something to eat?” Blake asked, and I could practically feel her need to mother me rising to the surface again.

Weirdly, though, it was working, and I pulled myself up, shifting on the old, worn-out couch to face her. “No, I don’t think I could stomach anything right now. Was Cade okay when you picked him up from school?”

“Yeah, you know Cade. He was over the moon to see me waiting for him. He’s watching some kid shit back at my place. You don’t need to worry about him right now. I’ve got you covered.”

I nodded. It made things easier to know that I didn’t need to mom right now. And she was right. Cade would have been excited to see her waiting for him. I was past the point of taking it personally…mostly.

“I’ll break the news to him in a bit, but first, I need a plan.”

Break the news.

It sounded so cold, but what was the alternative? Shatter his world? Break his heart? Hurting my son was something I’d never be comfortable with.

Blake nodded before jumping up and grabbing a notebook and pen from my desk in the corner. Nearly ten years of being my best friend had made her familiar enough with my habits that she probably knew me better than anyone I’d ever met before. Well, maybe not everyone, but at least of the people left in my life, at any rate.

Blake passed me the notebook, and I started a list of what I needed to get done. I’d gone through all the paperwork at the hospital. The doctor confirmed my father had already madearrangements with the funeral home that served the small town where I’d grown up. He’d given me their details, and I knew I’d have to be in contact with them soon. There would be a few days delay for the postmortem, but the hospital had promised it wouldn’t take long.

But there was also something else at the top of my list, the one thing I’d sworn I’d never do, but then I hadn’t exactly foreseen something like this happening for a very long time.

I’d have to return home. I’d have to go back to Willowbrook, and I’d have to do it soon.

Blake peered at the paper, and I heard her sad sigh of acceptance. “I’ll come with you.” Determination lined her voice, and I pitied the person who stood against this woman’s wrath if they dared to test her.

“How am I going to break this to Cade?” It was one of those things you should never have to do—explain to a nine-year-old that someone in his life was gone and never coming back. In some respects, it had been easier when Adelaide passed away. Cade had been so young he didn’t really understand what was happening.

Blake’s hand reached for mine, and I grabbed onto hers like the lifeline it was. I was only changing the subject away from Willowbrook because I couldn’t deal with it right now. It was stupid, really. It wasn’t going anywhere, and there was no getting around the fact that I had to return. I just needed five minutes where I felt in control of my life. Where I could pretend that the overwhelming sadness inside of me was all I had to deal with.

“I’ll do it with you,” she said again. Of course, she would. She wouldn’t be Blake if she didn’t.

I nodded numbly, getting to my feet and ignoring the sick sensation in my stomach. There was no point in putting this off. Telling Cade may bring it all to the surface again, but there wasno shame in us mourning together. He needed to see that it was okay to be sad.

We found him sitting in front of Blake’s TV, binge-watching Pokemon for what had to be the millionth time. I knew I was biased, but he’d always be my beautiful boy. Most days, I didn’t want to accept that he looked so much like his father had when we’d first met. His messy, dirty blond hair was impossible to tame most days, and the small gap between his front teeth when he grinned was nothing short of pure ammunition to be used when he needed to escape trouble. Cade even had the same stormy gray-blue eyes that his father did.

Right now, he looked so young and carefree, like nothing in the world could ever hurt him. Except what I was about to do. I was supposed to be the one that protected him, and it absolutely killed me that I couldn’t protect him from this.

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