Page 157 of All We Need

“Nothing.He’s…at the restaurant,”Isaid hopefully.

“Nope.Justcame from there.Tryagain,”Florencechallenged.

Their faces dropped at my wobbly exhale.

“Oh,Aly,”Jowhispered. “Whathappened?”

My composure crumbled.Thereweren’t any tears, butIspewed everything on the sidewalk outsideJustBrewItuntil my mouth dried up and jaw ached.

To my surprise, they didn’t press me to give him another chance or make excuses for him.Theyeach hugged me goodbye, making plans to meet up onceIwas back stateside, and helped me with my bags.

It was watching the three of them wave at me through the window of my rental car that had the first tear falling.Sincethen, they haven’t stopped.

I arrived inSuttonBaytough like marble and left soft as a cotton ball, all thanks toBoothSadler.Alongwith my trust, a piece of my heart remained in a fishing town inMaine.

It was stupid, because he knew my answer, but a small partof me wished he’d asked me to stay.Ifonly to prove that my feelings weren’t one sided.

Staring out at the dark gray runway as the plane taxis,Imuffle my cries into my palm as sudden realization hits me about what those feelings mean.

In my heart of hearts,IloveBoothSadler.

He tore through my walls, witnessed me at my worst, and cherished every single second we had together as if it was his mission in life.

He would have loved me deeply, passionately, and fiercely.Withno limits, of thatI’mcertain.

But without his trust, would it have been enough?

I refuse to play a game of “what if,” and instead, allow the tears to fall freely until my temples ache, throat stings, and heart splits in two.

NewYorkfeels empty.

Over eight million people, block after block of bumper-to-bumper traffic, chaotic sidewalks—and the loneliness has never been so strong.

The only saving grace is my parents.

They rallied around me whenIlanded atJFK, fussing over me likeIwas a little girl again.Foronce, rather than brush off their attention and put on a brave face,Iembraced it.Itfelt unnatural at first, but slowly the turmoil inside my head lessened.

It’s shockingIhad tears left to shed after the flight.Icried into my mother’s lap while my concerned father stood by.Notwanting to go to my apartment,Icurled up on their sofa and slept.

That was two days ago, and even through my fretful sleep,Boothinfiltrated my dreams.Itwas cruel.Mybrain remembered every tiny detail about him, but my heart was bruised because of him.

I texted him as promised, thoughIwasn’t sure he would reply.

Aly: Just landed.

Dimples: I know, I tracked your flight. Say hi to Lydia and Daniel for me.

Aly: I will.

Dimples: I hope you have a good today.

How didIrespond to that?

Since then, he hadn’t texted or called, and neither hadI.

The hammer hovered above the nail of our coffin.Waitingto finalize the end.

When the email notification confirming the documents had been safely delivered to the restaurant dropped in my inbox,Iwanted to throw up.

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