“We’re trying so hard to find one.” Her voice cracks and she wrings her hands together. I know Chase has had a thing for Rae ever since he started here as an intern, and I’ve noticed how attentive she is with him, especially when she thinks nobody is watching. “I’m still hoping we can find one before it’s too late.”
Too late.
Feels like we might be there already.
I swallow hard past the lump in my throat. Chase’s eyes float open and he slowly moves his head toward me and Rae.
“Hey, stalker.” His voice is weak but he still manages a smile.
I step into the room, leaving Rae in the hallway. Mom looks up, startled. I drop a kiss on the top of her head and she struggles to stand up. Dad walks around the side of the bed and puts his arm around her. They both look at me, their tired eyes and haggard faces making my heart ache.
“Go get some air.” I nod toward my brother. “Let me stay with him for a while.”
Rae follows my parents down the hallway after flashing a final sad smile at Chase.
“She’s really into you,” I say, sinking into the chair where my mother sat hunched over the bed a few seconds earlier.
“Yeah…” His eyes stay on the empty doorway for a long second. “In another life, we could have really been something.”
“I hate hearing you talk like that.”
“Gotta be realistic, baby bro. We’ve been hanging on for a long time, hoping and praying for a miracle. But it’s just not inthe cards for me. I’ve done as much good as I can and I’m glad for every day I woke up and was able to help people who might not have made it through otherwise.”
“You gave so much,” I say, my jaw tight. “It’s not fucking fair.”
“Maybe that was my purpose. My wake-up call.” He shrugs and sighs.
It pains me to look at him. He’s such a different version of the guy he used to be, like a before and after of Steve Rogers taking the superpower serum inCaptain America.
He turns his gaze up at me. “I’ve accepted it and you need to as well.”
I grit my teeth. “I can’t. I won’t.”
“There isn’t anything you can do to stop it. It was a freak thing that went undetected and the after effects…” He shakes his head. “My heart’s a lemon. What can you do?”
“I’m not giving up. You’ve got more to do.”
Chase points at one of the machines next to him. “Those readings beg to differ. Now let’s talk about something wecanfix, like your game. What the heck happened to you on that field today? You’re not allowed to have a bad day. You’ve worked too hard. When you’re out there, you need to think about the game and nothing else, understand? That’s what’s in your control.”
“You’ve always been so goddamn matter-of-fact and logical about shit.” I roll my eyes.
“Yes, well, it’s kind of necessary when you’re a doctor.” He winks at me. “I can’t get lost in my emotions, and neither should you. Do your job, Sammy. Be the star I know you are.”
I recline in my chair and rake a hand through my hair. “Speaking of stars, I ran into one a little while ago in the chapel. Brixton Scott.”
Chase’s eyes pop open wide, wider than I’ve seen in a long time. “The lead singer of Sin City? No shit!”
“No shit.”
I can’t shrug the guilt that eats at me, though. For as attracted as I am to the rock star, vicious and fierce jealousy plagues my mind and soul. Brixton’s brother gets to live while my brother…
Fuck. I still can’t even think it.
“I love that band. I remember going to see them before they got big. Those were great nights,” he muses.
“They were…” My voice drifts off and suddenly I’m back in the chapel, tormented by toxic thoughts and choked with desire for a man I’m not even a hundred percent sure is gay.
Chase’s eyes narrow. “What are you not saying?”